the story of my life....

Update on me....

2011-04-05T14:35:00.000-07:00

I know this has been long in coming, but please believe me when I say that I have had my hands full! :) 3 weeks ago the Lord placed in our hands our first baby boy. Our lives haven't been the same since! Bryan's c-section wasn't even planned till the 23rd, but he decided he wanted to meet us early and I went into labor exactly 3 weeks early. I had him right at 37 weeks. He was still born via c-section, but was perfect! He weighed 5lbs 12oz and was 19 inches long. he has quite a bit of dark hair, and his eyes are dark blue. He lost more than the normal amount of weight for newborns and went down to 5lbs. He's still working is way back up to his birth weight and weighs 5lb 6 now. He is in preemie clothes, and it has been quite a challenge to clothe him. :) Being stuck in the hospital isn't very conducive to doing laundry for an infant who goes through 2-3 outfits a day with only 6-7 outfits total. :) Thank-you to friends and family!!!

David has been so wonderful....just like normal. He always has such a good attitude, and is so willing to help with anything and everything with me and Bryan even though I know he is extremely tired and exhausted! This is his week of vacation time he took off to be home with us, and he gets to spend it in the hospital instead. Not much of a week of "vacation" I will say.

After having another abdominal surgery, I think my body kind of "freaked out" a bit. For days after the surgery I was extremely nauseous and couldn't eat anything whatsoever. I was getting weaker and weaker, and feeling so bad. Doctors didn't really know why I was so sick, but just thought it was from the surgery and that it would just be a matter of time for it to go away. With having a new baby though, and being very sick it was also resulting in me getting zero sleep. I was getting to the point that my body was so tired it wouldn't let me sleep when I had the chance. My doctor and I agreed on Saturday afternoon finally that even though I was still feeling very sick and not eating, it would be better if I could go home to sleep, and stay on some meds at home. So we did. I went home Saturday late afternoon. By the time I got home from the car ride I ran straight to the bathroom almost ready to throw up. I fell in bed, and pretty much stayed there as my body started to crash.

Through the night, I got up over and over spending so much time trying not to throw up and take my anti-nausea. I fell in bed after each time being up. Feeding Bryan was barely even an option for me because I couldn't even sit up long enough to feed him. David was up all night with him and me. He did everything to take care of him, and he even helped me feed him while I laid down since I couldn't sit up. Then it hit. My body started attacking my muscles, and I started having major cramping. If you have had a "charlie horse" before you will kind of know what I mean. It was kind of like that, but 10x worse. It would hit 3-4 major muscles from my feet, calves, toes, thighs, hips, hands all at one time, and the pain would be so much more than I could bare. My head would start spinning and I would start blacking out because the pain was so bad. I would maybe get a 5 minute break between each attack that lasted at least 15 minutes at a time. This was quite wearing on David as I lay there hour after hour crying out in pain as he is each time rubbing and massaging trying hard to give the cramps some relief for even just a short time. He would go from me crying in pain to Bryan crying in hunger, and then back to me. The next morning, I ended up calling my friend Veronica out of church to come help because things kept getting worse, and we needed help. It didn't take long for David and Veronica to realize that I needed to go back to the hospital. David decided this, and then tried for 30 mins to try and get me dressed and in the car, but with no luck. Finally he called and ambulance, and we were rushed to the hospital right away. It just couldn't have worked more perfect with Veronica being there, because we were able to just abandon baby Bryan and leave him in her hands. He had a full day back and forth between all his family who loves him. He ended up spending his first night away at Grandma Rice's house when he was just 6 days old. He did so good! The Lord really has blessed us with a very content little boy! Back in the hospital that night things continued the same till finally I was given a strong muscle relaxer and some morphine but not till around 3 o' clock in the morning. We don't really know why it took them so long to give that to me, but some times it just doesn't make sense the way they do some things in the hospital. Right away when they wheeled me into the ER they started me on a bolster of plain salt water through my IV. I was very dehydrated, and they said that nothing was really going to "help" all the cramping till that electrolyte imbalance was fixed. I still continued to ask every doctor that came in for some kind of a muscle relaxer to give me just a little bit of relief. I got it finally, but not till hours of waiting. After getting some relief, David and I slept that night for 5 straight hours which was the longest stretch of sleep both of us had had since before I had the baby. The next day they couldn't pump enough fluid, salt water, potassium, magnesium, vitamins, and so much more into me fast enough. I couldn't even take a shower because I couldn't be unhooked for that long. I did find out that one of the main things that through my body down the drain so fast was how low my sodium levels got. The normal counts # is around 140. Mine were around 110, which I guess to what I was told was VERY low.

This all happened Sunday night. They worked and worked and worked through the night Sunday, all day Monday, and through Monday night. By Tuesday, they were really starting to worry when most of my counts were just staying the same, and they weren't seeing any of them come up. I still wasn't eating because of the bad nausea, and continued to be on constant anti-nausea to keep from throwing up. This is when they start to tell me that they are going to have to start giving me PTN which stands for Total Parenteral Nutrition. This was something the doctors always used as a last resort, because it has to be started slowly and then build up in your system, and then once things are doing better it can't just be stopped right away. Basically this meant if they had to start this it would have put into concrete a for long stay at the hospital, which I absolutely dreaded. The doctor told me that morning around 7 about their decision, and my body had just hours to make a change for itself. The 4pm blood draw would be the deciding factor, and if things hadn't changed they would start that night. She left the room, and my heart dropped. My body had only hours left to start making a change by itself which up to this point it had failed to do. I called the nurse in right away and asked for a dose of anti-nausea, and then called my brother-in-law to bring me some food with protein in it and lots of sodium. The doctor had told me that I needed to eat (for a while) a diet very high in sodium. So I did....eggs with Velveeta pored on them with salt added to each bite. Even if I did throw it up I had to try. I had to force food down me all day long with hopes that it would help.

It was a long day of taking anti-nausea, and then eating. I did this at least 4 times before that 4pm blood draw. I also drank as much as I could of just Gatorade and no water. It was of the Lord that when the results of that test came back that evening my levels had come up barely enough for them to "pose pone" starting the TPN. I was so very happy, and made up my mind that no matter how sick I was I would continue to try to eat at least something at every meal. This went on for 2 more days of making myself eat. All my levels in the mean time continued slowly to rise and I continued to feel better and better each day. It was on Friday morning when I woke up that I noticed a huge change. I was hungry!! I hadn't felt "hungry" in over 2 weeks, and any food digested was forced. It was such a good feeling to feel hungry. I made a breakfast order that morning that would have been enough for 3 people! :) Of course I didn't eat it all, but if it sounded good, I ordered it!

The next morning I found out I was going to be able to go home....(again). :) David and I were so excited. We started packing up right away and were ready to go hours before the hospital had released us. It was such a wonderful feeling to come home that night! Bryan was just shy from being 2 weeks old, and we were finally able to bring him home. David had so sacrificially given his weeks vacation time to be with us in the hospital instead of the nice "1st week at home together" we had thought it would be. It was ok though, because we were all home and healthy and just fine now. We were very thankful that the Lord was so good to us!

Maybe I had a few set backs along the way, but we did it! We have our healthy baby boy who is just so dear to us it would be impossible to put into words the love that our hearts have wrapped around him! The Lord blessed with something so precious!

It has been a little over a week now since we have been home, and we are all doing so well! I am off my anti-bio tics and back to nursing again which I am very thankful. Bryan and I miss daddy every day so much, but look forward to him coming home every night! I have to fight over getting to first kiss now! :) Bryan is in a routine of eating every 3 hours almost like clockwork. He has had a few bad nights, but all in all I can't complain because he is a pretty good sleeper and a happy baby! Thank-you Lord once again for your goodness to us!!

Bryan Robert Ronson

2011-03-18T14:59:00.000-07:00

In the surgery room fresh out of mommys tummy.

Papa and Bryan

Aunt Katie and Byan

Holding daddys finger just after his first bath.

Im Awake, Im wake

All dressed up looking super cute!

Listening to some tunes.

Baby Shower & Last Month of Pregnancy

2011-03-11T12:17:00.000-08:00

My friend Veronica put on such a beautiful baby shower for me. I know that Mrs. Broadwater and my mother-in-law helped her quite a bit to make it so special and nice for me. I am Thankful for you all who worked so hard! I absolutely LOVED it!!!

The chair by mine in the middle was for my mom. I loved having her up there with me! Love her!!

The front entry...it was beautiful! the table to the left in the back was full of scapbooking stuff for people to make me scrapbook pages to put in the baby book. Now I have alot of nice pages that all I have to do is glue pictures on! :) such a good idea!

The food table looked amazing, and all the food was delicious! My sister-in-law made the cake and she did an awesome job! It was chocolate with a heart-shaped filling in each piece of peanut butter cream.....need I say more! :) Just writing about it makes me want some!

Mrs. Simpson has been very special to me. She has really been my personal prayer angel in the past few years, and I love her dearly! She always takes the extra minute when talking with her to really hear everything you are saying and truly care! She did a small devotional at the shower using the letters of Bryans name. It was very special to me!

And the Games begin!.....

So many ladies showed up to give their support. We all had alot of fun!

This game, everyone was on a team. Spoonful by spoonful you had to carefully go from one end of the table to the other end and fill up a small bottle. The last team to fill up the bottle and drink it all was the winner! (the winning team had a gift baby basket that they gave to me instead of winning theur own prize...so nice!)

This game was one I remembered playing when I was only 10 at my mom's baby shower for my little sister, and I won! Now look at my "little" sister, she's all grown up! Everyone had to tear off a piece of toilet paper the length they thought would fit perfectly around the biggest part of my belly. Some were quite funny! :)

The class of 2003! :) now we are all three having babies all within a month and a half of each other. Its been so fun being pregnant together....although we now are just ready to be done!

Highschool best buds 10 years later! Love you all!

I had to post a picture of my greatest support. My mom (on the left), and my mother-in-law (on the right). They have helped me through so much, and constantly there for me! I love you both dearly!

In the end in was such a good night!!

Now, for just a quick update of this past month. As for little Bryan....he is just doing amazing! My doctor is just amazed at how well he is thriving in the womb. He is putting on weight, and growing strong and healthy. We are just so thankful that the Lord has blessed us with this healthy baby boy! As for me....well, I'm still trudging through these last few weeks of pregnancy. The bigger and stronger and healthier Bryan gets, the more strain it is on my body. If I did not have my PICC line, I think I would have ended up in the hospital under constant care for this whole 3rd trimester. I am very very thankful for the ability to do the health caare at home! We had a bit of a scare last week, and we were very close to the doctors taking Bryan. I wasn't feeling well, and his heartrate dropped for a lengthy amount of time without coming back up. She sent me straight to the hospital and said if it happened just one more time that she was taking him. I started to get very scared! Thankfully, he cooperated and we were able to go home. Just a few days after that, my PICC line messed up again, and I landed back in the hosppital for another 24 hrs. They ended up pulling the old one out, closing that site, and putting a whole new one into the other arm. Everything is good now! :)

Since Bryan is doing so well, and I'm all "pumped" back up with all the good stuff (from hospital stay), and doing pretty well myself, it doesn't look like he will be coming too early. So unless I go into labor between now and my scheduled C-Section (March 23rd), Bryan will continue to grow bigger and stronger! I am very thankful! That is only 12 days away though!!!! So you can look for my next blog update to have pictures of our precious newborn baby boy! YAY!!! :)

My Pregnancy the Past 20 weeks....

2011-02-16T14:44:00.000-08:00

I can't believe that its been 20 weeks since I last updated my blog. I know each time I say I am going to do better. I have good intentions, does that count? :) Its hard to even figure out where to begin.... I guess the first thing I want to tell you all is that we found out we are having a baby boy. His name is taken from his daddy and grandpa.

This is Bryan Robert Ronson! :)

I am 33 weeks and 2 days today. Bryan just weighed in at the doctors this morning at 5lbs 1oz! He is going to be a chunky little dude! :) Mommy has gained a total of 17lbs as of this morning as well. Pretty good for me I think. My Picc Line as I described in the previous post has been such a blessing to have during the pregnancy. Yes, there are alot of things that come with it like 4 flushes in each site 2x a day, and spending a total of 32 hours each week hooked up to a pump that I carry around with me pumping fluids in, having a home health care nurse come to my house every week to change the dressing and clean around the line (all the adhesive has caused my skin to hate me!), putting up with several times getting a blood clot in the line and trying to get it absorbed, along with several other small things. This may seem like alot, but actually it has been a life saver for me and the baby! It has given me the strength that I need to get through this, and has kept me from being in the hospital a whole lot less than if I didn't have it. It is like anything though. You just learn to live with what you have to live with and have a good attitude about it. Once you get used to something, it just becomes part of life, and you don't think of it as "hard" as others might just hearing about it. It always cracks me up when people say"Oh, I could NEVER handle that", or "I could never live with that"! As if something were to happen to them they would even have a choice. God says he would never give us more than we could handle. (although at times I've thought "Lord, ok, I can't handle this anymore") He's always been there for me though and brought me through those difficult times. I am so thankful to the Lord first, and then to my wonderful husband who has been my ever loving support and companion throughout everything! What a strong and faithful man the Lord gave to me!

I believe from the beginning of my pregnancy I have had 4 hospital stays which have included 4 blood transfusions, and a several other intravenous infusions of different vitamins like sodium and magnesium or whatever else my body is low on. I will probably have one more hospital stay with a blood transfusion before they take Bryan, and then get another one after he is born. This is something else that is also been a "blessing in disguise". Without a colon, my body just isn't capable to absorb all the nutrients it need while "making" a baby. Also being anemic before the fact of pregnancy, and then on top of getting pregnant adding a daily shot of blood thinners, only causes the anemia to get worse. This is the need for the blood transfusions. My body can't keep up reproducing the amount of blood that it needs. Another thing that has come up in this last trimester is a rising level of protein in my urine. My doctor has been watching me closely with this as it is an early sign of preeclampsia. My blood pressure however is doing well.

I just found out today that my tentative scheduled C-Section date is for March 23rd at 7:30am (with a 5:30 arrival!). However, my doctor just told me today because of how things have been going she is planning on probably taking him a little sooner than that. That is just the first date "legally" that could be scheduled with the hospital. Any other date will just be treated as an unscheduled c-section. So, at the very most, I will be having Bryan just 5 weeks from today, but maybe even sooner. By the way, before she would take him any sooner they will do a test to determine if his lungs are ok. This makes me feel good about it. As long as he is ok and healthy, I am ready!! :)

Just last week I had my baby shower. It was so nice, and so beautiful. Thank-you to everyone who put so much work into it to make it turn out so nice!! It sure meant alot to me!! When I get the picture from it, I will post a few of the best ones. It is nice to know now what I didn't get, and what I still need. David just got Bryan's room painted, and I love it!! The colors are brown and green. I still need to get it decorated though, and everything in it's place. So much to do, and so little time! Jenna took some pregnancy pictures for me that they used at the shower. They all turned out so good!! Here are a few for you to enjoy, and also to see how huge me and Bryan are getting! :)

I don't want to close without saying a quick thank-you to all of you who continue to pray for me through all of this! I am sorry I have been so bad at updating my blog. I promise to try harder! Especially after Bryan is born. My love to you all!

14 Weeks Pregnant, and Sick

2010-10-07T21:28:00.000-07:00

Wow! Its been forever since Ive posted here on my blog! Thought this would be easier the updating my profile since they will only let you post so much. This won't be long though. Just an update for everyone! :)

Not the best past 2 days for me. Called in to my doctor yesturday after feeling pretty bad for over a week and a half. Turns out I waited too long to call. They hooked me right up to an IV in the office, and took some blood. My results showed I was dehydrated, malnourished, and very low on everything else. She admitted me to the hospital yesturday afternoon, and it took them 6 hrs and 4 different people before they could get another IV in! They have been pumping me full of fluids and sodium, and magnesium, and just seems like everything! I'm starting to puff up! :) Today they put in a PICC Line. Thats a flexible catheter "Peripherally Inserted Central Catheter" that is inserted into a central vein in the upper arm, goes up and around my should and down my chest right in close to my heart. It is semi-permanent and will stay in for the rest of the pregnancy. This will help me to be able to get home health care at home so I can do IV's by myself.....pretty cool! Bad part, its definately not pretty. Hey! its alot better than my ileostomy, and I wont have to keep getting stuck over and over! My blood counts were pretty low as well, and I have been having 2 units of blood pumped in me all afternoon. I have seen several specialists, and everything seems fine with the baby, so that is the good news! It really is true that the baby just "steals" everything it needs from mommy!!

My body just can't keep up right now feeding the baby and me while I am losing everythng through my bowels like water. I am absorbing almost 0 nutrients. I guess this will be a battle for me for the whole pregnancy. I asked for a time machine to fast forward these next 5 1/2 months :) haha

Thanks for listening! Just wanted to send out an update.....baby is fine, but momy is sick. Hoping to go home tomorrow or Saturday. Thanks for your prayers!

No More Bag!

2010-05-15T10:27:00.000-07:00

Friday:
I wanted to briefly update everyone on my past couple days after surgery. David hasn't done as good at keeping everyone updated this time. :) The surgery itself went very well. It only lasted for a little less than 2 hours, and I was only in recovery for about an hour. That is a record for me! The thing that most helped with that is that I didn't have to have a catheter. Yeah!

Its been two days now post surgery and I am doing well. This surgery is the least invasive of all of them, and I have been so much more mobile. It's a good thing too because the toilet has been my best friend since my bowels started moving. I still haven't eaten much of anyting. Wednesday after surgery I couldn't even keep ice chips down very good without getting nausious. Yesturday I was on clear liquids, and worked all day to get one juice drank. After throwing up, and 3 doses of anti-nausia meds to get it down. Today has been a bit better with being so nausious, though they have still given me the anti-nausia meds to help anyways. So with the meds, I was able to eat a yogurt earlier today, and tonight was able to eat some grits. I still feel good, and am not sick yet. Yay!!

I have spent alot of time (as mentioned) on the toilet even though I haven't eaten. I have lots of gas and air stuck in the j-pouch that doesn't want to come out due to the surgery. I am not used to feeling the pain and urges of having to run to the bathroom in so long, and this part of the recovery has not been fun. Last night and today I spent alot of time in the bathroom. I can't say I wasn't warned that this is how I would feel though. I am very thankful in all the things that I was told to bring to the hospital. The soft TP, and cream have been key. Thanks!

Saturday:
Well here it is Saturday morning, and as you can tell I didn't get this post finished and posted yesturday. Once again I spent most of the night and all this morning in the bathroom. My stomach pains have seemed to increase. :( My doctor is out of town once again, and I have a fill-in doctor till Monday morning. He advanced my diet to a low-residue earlier this morning, but I don't feel ike I can handle it yet as of right now. I have been going on 3-4 long walks everyday which feels good on my back. David has been able to sleep alot better this hospital stay than the others simply because I havent had to wake him up as much throughout the night. He has been such a solid rock for me through all this,! I couldn't say enough about him and what an awesome husband, friend, and and provider he has been for me simply in the past year. God was so good to me in giving me such a wonderful husband! I am so thankful how much closer David and I have grown together in our 4 years of marriage.

Well I will update more next week when I get out of the hospital. I am hoping to be able to go home Monday or Tuesaday at the latest. Pray I can eat and keep the food down. Love you all!

Answered Prayer

2010-05-06T11:20:00.000-07:00

It has been a while since my last blog update, and I would like to explain to you the road I've traveled in these past few weeks. I will tell you straight up though.......my takedown surgery has been scheduled for Wednesday, May 12th at 3:30 in the afternoon!! I want to first and foremost give thanks to the Lord who has heard my cry and answered my prayer! (and when I say cry, I mean it literally)

I mentioned last time about the apt I had with my OBGYN. She looked over the results from my MRI and also did an internal exam looking very closely at my ovarian cyst. She concluded that it will eventually take care of itself. She told me that in a sence it would in time "roll over and pop" and the fluids from the cyst would dissolve into my body. She did say that it would be very very painful and wrote me a presciption for Vicaden. So thats that! :)

The problems I talked about last time that I've had with my stoma have only increased in pain and severity. My stoma itself is completely inverted inside now, and is pulling the edges of my skin inward along with it. This problem makes getting any sort of seal around that part of the skin virtually impossilble. David and I are dealing with it at least 2x a day. I really could use to change it more than i do to, but we have learned from trial error that it is just as painful and stressing to change it when I am active. It takes around an hour to change it at night and the skin is so much more irritated and painful and red than it is when we change it early in the morning. David now wakes me up before he goes to work every morning around 6 so we can do a much needed change then. Even then though, my skin get maybe a 30 minute break before the seal is broke once again, and stool is sitting on the infected area of skin. The infected/irritated area keeps growing as well with each day that goes by.

My surgeon told me over 4 weeks ago because of the problems I was having way back then that he would be willing to move the surgery up a month for me. Since then I have kept my eyes on and around week 8 post surgery. But 2 weeks ago I found out my surgery wouldn't be until May 24th which is right at 11 weeks. Only one week early from normal versus one month. I felt like I was hit in the gut when I found out I had to wait 3 weeks longer than I had been planning on. My doctors nurse told me that I would be on the top of the list in case somebody cancels or another day opens. I started praying hard that something would work out, because I really didn't know how I was going to wait another whole month! I found out that there was a possibility that my surgeon may be able to be in town to do it on the 14th. My eye was focused on that date. I prayed and prayed about it, and at one point I really felt peace that everything was going to be fine because it was going to happen. Just 2 days ago on Tuesday, David called the doctor's office and talk to them. He realized they were not very helpful at all, and he also got the confirmation that the 14th was not going to work out. Basically they told him, "Stop calling us, and deal with having the surgery on the24th!" When he told me, I broke down. The rest of that Tuesday was shot. I was very depressed all day long and just couldn't believe it. I asked the Lord over and over "Why?" David also came home from work that day in a bad way. We were not a very good mix on Tuesday night. He ended up staying home with me yesturday. It was then, in the morning, right after we had finished changing my bag that I got a call from my doctor saying that somebody had canceled their surgery, and that they had me scheduled now for May 12th! WOW, in just only one week!

After hanging up with them I started crying and screaming, and I was in utter disbelief. :) I went from crying and asking God why one day, to so happy and thanking Him the next. Thank-you Lord!! Thank-you!

So now, only 6 days away! I am starting to understand some of the things I will be facing for the first few weeks after this surgery. I know it will be hard, but I just have to look at it as one more step to getting better. Hopefully the final step in recovery. This will all include me learning the all the ways of my "new" body. I am ready, bring it on! I am just so very thankful that I don't have to live with an ostomy for the rest of my life!

Well thats all :) 6 more days of living with the pains of this ostomy. I can't wait to wake up from surgery, look down, and it be gone! I don't care about the scar it will leave. Actually I will welcome the scar. It will be a forever imprint of something I endured, something Ive grown through, something I will never forget. So thanks to my stoma....you helped me get to the other side!

Counting down the days

2010-04-14T11:18:00.000-07:00

This is the first times I got "out" after surgery. We took grandma to Lady Bird Johnson Wildflower Center with my mom and Katie before she left. The day was one of the hottest we have had so far all spring, and I wilted very fast! :) It was still so nice, and all the wildflowers this year are just beautiful because of all the rain we've gotten. David sat with me half the time in the quaint little cafe there while I hydrated and got cool.

It was a special time with my family!

In my last blog update I explained to you the extreme pain has been for me, and wont repeat that in detail. All I can say is that the infection is continuing to grow. It is spreading further down and around my stoma, and changing the bag sometime is unbearable. David has been such an angel and is always so calm and patient with me. I don't think I could have done any better!! Something else that I have been battling is sleep. For some reason my nights have been restless. Often I lay awake for 2 hrs trying to be patient to fall asleep. But once I do drift off I wake up every hour and just can't seem to dose into that deep sleep. On top of it all the pain has its part of waking me up several time at night as well.

We are to the point of counting down the days till my next surgery. Of course though there are pros and cons to everything! The other night when I couldn't sleep I was on the computer reading for a long time about the long first weeks after the Take-Down surgery. I have to admitt that it have got me kinda scared. I am not looking forward to going through it all. I read that in a way it is harder mentally at times than physically. That for the first few weeks after take-down it is a sort of dea ja vue of living with the Colitis again. I know i can't get to the other side without going through it, but I am scared. Even in the know, I say Bring It On!! :) (well you can ask me about that in the middle of all the "butt burn" :) haha)

My doctor has me on some colesterol medicine that I am taking solely for the side effects. It is supposed to help thicken the stool and decrease the acidity. So we will see. My apt with the surgeon is in 6 days, and that is something else I just wish I could sleep through! When your doc tells you up front to take to strong vicaden before the apt, you know its going to be bad! Told David I need him there for me....."I don't want to sit there and watch you be in pain" he says. "Too bad!" I really need the morral support!

I have a dr apt tomorrow with my obgyn to talk to her more about the ovarian cyst they found in the MRI. I am very interested in finding out more about it, and also how much more of an effect it can have on me getting pregnant. I know chances are very low already. The surgeon told us that after 3 major abdomonal surgeries there is so much scar tissue in and around all the female organs it is hard to concieve. Now on top of that I find out about a large ovarian cyst. Its hard! Its so hard! David and I talk about it all the time and how different our lives would be if JoLynn were with us. I miss her so much my heart aches!! Will I be able to have another child to hold in my arms?....Only the Lord know.

Four weeks out...

2010-04-07T11:14:00.000-07:00

I know that this post has been long in coming! Believe it or not about a week ago I sat down and typed about half of a blog update and then lost internet and lost everything Id written. And after that I couldn't make myself sit back down and type it all back. So here I am :)

Its been 4 weeks since my surgery. I am physically doing very well! I am getting around good, and feel stronger pretty much every day. I had a walker to help me around the house for the first 2 - 2 1/2 weeks, and whenever I would go out I would use a wheelchair or a riding cart to get around since I didnt have much strength or stamina on my feet. I made myself start building strength by getting around my house without any help first. At first it took me a while to walk anywhere, but after time (and lots of pain meds) I am free of all help. When Im out I dont use anything. I do get tired alot faster, but thats ok. I think pushing myself sometimes is good.

My grandma has been with me for the past 3 weeks and it has been such a blessing to have her here helping us! I don't know what shape me or my house would be in if it wasnt for her! I am back to being all alone though since she went home yesturday. Its up to me now! :)

Although everything sounds great up till now, Its really not. I am having some other problems that have set me back alot! I currently have a loop-end stoma which very different from the end stoma I had for the first 6 months. For those of you who really dont understand the difference it would be a waste of my time to try and explain it to you on here. Loop-ends are often much more problematic than simple ends, and...well I am having ever problem in the book with mine. Essentially mine ended up healing upside down. Instead of the bowel opening to be on the top where it can flow overtop the stoma, my opening in underneath, and the stoma is pushing the bowels straight down and onto my skin. Because of this it has been a nightmare trying to get a seal with the bag. I went last week to the hospital to see my stoma nurse. She gave us four different things to try, and every single one only made my infection worse and spead bigger. It has only been four weeks, and I couldnt begin to tell you how bad the infecton is getting. So as each day I get stronger, my skin and infection around my stoma only gets bigger and so much worse. The pain is unbearable at times, and sometimes I don't know how i am going to make it another day. But still the days go by, and still it gets worse.

I could explain the pain as a continual burning of acid, but thats hard for you to imagine. So maybe this...imagine 3 or 4 fire ants sitting on your stomach and it feeling as if they are constantly eating away at your skin and there is nothing you can do about it. You just have to let them hang out there...eating away. Thats kinda what its like at all times, and then at times its so much worse! Like last night. At this point, I have a big open wound that ever day I am trying to clean and then after cleaning (which is so very painful) I try to put glue or sticky stuff on top of it to reattach the bag. This is where the problem is lying. It is almost like trying to use scotch tape on a wet surface. No matter what you do, its just not going to stick. We went through 3 good bags last night....on off on off on off. Finally with the fourth one we gave up. As I sat there and looked at it after many tears and so much frustration, I began to pretty much laugh. I could see and feel the output stream right down and under the seal we had worked so long and hard for. I looked up at a very tired husband and said, "what are we going to do?" Now, I am not typing this for sympathy....it actually feels good to write it out. To put what Im facing right now down on paper.

Maybe you are wondering what the doctors can do for me. That surely there is something that they can do! Honestly there isn't. Its just something I am going to have to deal with till I can have the thrird surgery which is the let-down. Yesturday I had my first post-op apt with my surgeon. He right away agreed with us that it is pretty bad and that he is willing to move the surgery up by a month. This means I will be having my third surgery in apx 4 more weeks. This sounds like good news, and I know it is, but all my mind is wrapped around is the 4 MORE weeks of this pain and misery that I am facing right now. I really dont know how much worse I can get, and how much more I can handle. The pain wears on me so much, and I am finding myself very down every day. I think that right here and right now I could call myself depressed. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up till its all overwith.

Im sorry that this update is all about hurt and pain. It is to you all, though, who I can tell the truth. I know I have so many people out there praying for me and rooting me on. It is those small things, the texts, the comments, the letting me know they are there and praying that really gets me through every day. I really appreciate it!

Ps. I really really do appreciate the comments, so keep them coming! :)

Surgery Updates

2010-03-20T14:19:00.001-07:00

Hello everyone! It is right now 2 days shy of 2 weeks since my surgery. I have been through alot, and come so far since then, and yet I still have quite a ways to go. For any of you who really know me you know that I am full of life. I am the one always wanting to get out and do something, the one who is singing loudly with music in the backround and trying to get David to dance with me around our living room. I love to laugh and smile, and I love being with and spending time with my husband. Yesturday I came in to the bedroom and looked at David laying there and just smiled. With everything I had I wanted to run and jump on him and just laugh and have fun with him. Instead, I slowly and painfully crawled up there next to him and we just sat and talked for almost an hour. Now don't get me wrong, because I am a girl, and I do love to talk to! :) I guess my point in writing all this, is I miss having fun, and playing around, and I miss simply laughing (because even laughing hurts!). This is the point in my healing when I start to get very impatient with myself! Just get better already Jeessica! :)

Details...details! :) Well, first may I please correct David in his last blog post and say that he did not get to come see me till Thursay morning! :) That small peice of information is very important to me because those first couple days seemed like forever before I could see him! My biggest setback this time through was nausia, just feeling so sick. Every single day for 8 days straight after the surgery I was very sick and couldn't eat. Just the smell of food made me sick.I only vomitted one time, but was taking nausia meds 3-4 times a day to help prevent this because throwing up after abdominal surgery hurts like crazy!

I also developed an infection around my incision which is still to this day bothering me. The infection built up inside to the left of my incision. It almost looked to me like a ball was sitting on the inside of my belly the way it protruded out. When i told my doctor about the pain he said, "Yes, its called a major surgery!". He didn't seem bothered by my odd pains. The next fill-in doctor I had is the one who found the infection, and started me on antibiotics. He was very nice, and I was very thankful for him. The 3rd doctor saw the swelling in my stomach and told me it was just a gas bubble. Well after living with UC for over 6 years I could have told you that it was NOT a gas bubble! "Won't you doctors just listen to me! I do know a little bit about my own body!!" The day after I came home my "gas bubble", which was in fact a swelling of infection, decided it needed to leave my body. (sorry to be gross) A spew of infection and blood broke one of the stiches and flowed out of my body. For two days straight there was a slow continual flow. Thankfully this was a good thing, and really nothing to worry about besides the added pains it caused.

The second doctor that saw me over the week-end was very nice, he actually listened to me, and he is in fact the one who started me on a medication called Reglan. It regulated the bowels to get them moving in a forward motion. The ordinary nausia meds obviously werent doing anything for me. I needed something more! Thank-you doctor Cline for hearing me, and finding the infection, and for finding the med which essetially helped me to be able to start eating!

So still with the infection, and just at the beginning stages of trying food it is Tuesday the 9th day after surgery. I was just sooo ready to go home. David had to start back working, and I was at the point where I felt like I was getting depressed, and crying over everything. It didn't look promisimg for me to get home till probably at least Thursday. The doctor came in and talked to me for a while (seeing the "gas bubble" :) ) and asked me "when do you want to go home?" I looked up at him feeling like crying and just said "NOW!". He looked at me and said I think I can work that out. Oh my word! I felt like screaming, and crying and laughing all at the same time. All of my meds that I was on through IV could be taked orally, and he said that they could monitor me from home if anything else happens.

Long story short, I got to go home! :) Do you hear the smile in my voice? :) I think David was almost as excited as me. He was getting exhaused staying with me at the hospital, and then waking up and having to go to work. So there it is for now. I'm home, and for now, that in and of itself just makes me happy!

I will continue the update from my home healing maybe tomorrow. Thanks everyone for your continual prayer, concerns, texts, calls, and love. I couldn't be more grateful!

Friday 3/12/10

2010-03-12T07:38:00.000-08:00

Well its Friday and we have come a long way. Monday after the surgery it took a long time for Jessicas kidneys to kick in so she was in post surgery care till around 10pm. At which time they sent her into IMC (Intermediate Care) She didnt get to go to a normal room like last time. They still wanted to keep an eye on her. Mom and Katie, Dad and Mom Ronson all went ahead and went home since it got so late. I got to go down and see her in the post surgery room before I left for the night. Visitors cant spend the night in IMC.

To make things worse I got sick that night with body aches, stuffy head, and a sore throat. I didnt get to see her till Wed morning after I was better.

Last night she went for her first walk. It went well.And this morning she is in getting an MRI. Thought I would throw this together while I am waiting for her to come back. I am sure she will rearrange and change all this later. Thanks for reading.

Post Surgery

2010-03-08T19:25:00.000-08:00

Well its 9.30pm and Jessica is still in the recovery room. The surgeon said that things went great. No complication, and she was fully recovered from the UC. Unfortunatly she is dealing with a lot of pain and lack of urine. They have been getting the pain under control since she go out of surgery but now her kidneys are not kicking in yet. Apparently this is nothing to be concerned about, she had this problem last time as well. The kidneys have something to do with your urine flow. So, with all that, Lord willing she will be here in her room with me getting some rest. Thanks for all your prayers, concerns, and texts.

Infection

2010-03-07T12:23:00.000-08:00

Two days before surgery....

I have been suffering with a head cold for almost 3 weeks now, and at my pre-op apts my doctor checked me very thoroughly. He said he can deal with upper resperatory stuff as long as my lungs are clear. Thankfully they are. Yesturday I had a few errands to run and have a list of things to get done before I go in for surgery tomorrow. Early afternoon, while driving, my ear had a bad surge of pain. Then it started to feel like there was alot of pressure building up. I kept trying to yawn and swallow to get it to pop. Unsuccessful, my ear just started surging with pain, and soon I couldn't hear anything out of it. In just a period of 2 hrs I couldn't believe how bad it got! And I started to get kinda worried.

Long story short, it ends up that I have a full blown ear infection. No wonder it hurt so bad! I am very thankful I went in to a Ready Clinic to get it looked at. The doc gave me a topical presciption for it so as not to interfere with the surgery. With that and Advil I feel alot better this morning! Thank-you Lord!

That list of things that I need to get doone is not getting done today with me being sick....Oh well :( Guess its most importent for me to be well.

Would appreciate an extra prayer for this infection to go away, and fast! Can't believe that my surgery is here. Still don't know that I am mentally ready for this. Ready or not here it comes! :)

Will have David update my blog on how surgery went. Thanks so much everyone for your care and concerns, and most of all your prayers!!

Getting Antsie

2010-02-26T09:28:00.000-08:00

A friend asked me this morning if I needed anything before my next surgery. I asked her if she had any patience I could have... :)...in a way I totally mean it! As this next surgery gets closer and closer I find myself getting more nervous and antsie everyday!! But then I still have one LONG week of waiting (and lots of work) to do before ... before I am helpless again an have a long stretch of recovery.

There are definately two side to these feeling. One being the fact that I just want all of this behind me! I will not post another blog update about leakages, but let me just say that they are part of my life right now, and something I have to face while I still have this ileostomy. So there are times when all I want is to just be done with all this, and fast!

The other side is what I am feeling more strongly as the days grow closer to surgery. That is the fact that I am submitting myself to what I now know will be the outcome of a major surgery. That outcoome is weakness, and helplessness, and pain...lots of pain, and new trials to face (eg. the ileostomy) with each step of this long process to recovery. 95% of the time my eyes are on the end...the strength and wellness of what I will be when this is all over and I am my new "normal" as a J-Poucher! Right now its on the present, and right now the present is scary to me!

So please, as you all did so faithfully last time. Pray for me. I need alot of it right now. And if any of you have any of that patience I was talking about earlier that I could have, please just send it on my way!! :)

Time Flies

2010-02-18T22:41:00.000-08:00

It has been 3 months now since I have updated my blog. Wow! Time flies right on by! I will be back updating for you all the progress and recovery of my next upcoming surgery. My total reconstructive surgery is scheduled for Monday, March the 8th. I am very ready and anxious to get it done and behind me. Dont get me wrong by thinking I am excited....I just am ready to take the next step painful though it might be. I am definaltely not looking forward to the recovery of another major opperation.

My grandmother is coming down again after the opperation to help me again. What a blessing! Her help is a God send to both David and I!

Will you all let me take a minute to gloat on my wonderful husband David? :) God knew just the right man for me! David is so even tempered, selfless, encouraging, so sweet and patient!!! He as been there every step of the way for me, and not just there, but continually going the extra mile to make sure that I have everything I could need. Throughout the years of my colitis I could not begin to explain the sweet patience he gave to me. And now with my ileostomy he tends so soft and patiently to me I sometimes am still in awe of how wonderful he is!!! I sure hope that one day I can repay to him every kind and tender love that he has so willingly given to me!!!

Imagine a stong and healthy 25 year old young woman, and that would be me! :) I havnt been able to say that about myself since I was a teenager in highschool! I honestly had forgotten what it was really like to feel "good". So many times that would be my reply to the everyday question "how are you?", but it was never the truth. I really can see now how sick I really was. Every single day for over 6 years I had gut wrenching pains over...and over...and over. I never slept through the night, and running to the bathroom in terrible pain seemed to just be my "normal". I am so excited that these past 3 months of my life I actually feel good! I have gained weight (maybe a little too much :) ) and been able to exercise and gain some muscle.

This next surgery, in my mind, is just another step to the new me! :) I am very thankful that I did not have Crohns, and that this ileostomy is just temporary. I can not imagine having to live with it! I dont know why, but I seem to have had alot of problems with mine, and am hoping that this next loop-end wont be worse (as I have heard it can be). I just went to see Dr. Graves on Monday, and he said that I only have to wait 3 months between these next surgeries. I am excited about that! I am hoping to schedule my let down surgery for the end of May.

David and I had a wonderful Thanksgiving and Christmas together!! My sister had her first baby boy on November 20th, and I was able to go to Pennsylvania in January to go meet my nephew Andrew Joseph.

Thanks for everyones prayers for me! I truly appreciate every one of them!! Please don't forget about me through this next one! :) Will be talkin to you all more on here! Take Care!!

So Happy!

2009-11-17T10:20:00.000-08:00

I recieved a call last night as I was busily trying to get supper ready for company. As soon as I answered it my heart went up into my throat. It was Dr. Graves. The deatailed testing for the Crohns that he ordered had been in the labs for over a week now, and we have been anxiously awaiting the results. "But why is he calling me", I thought immediately. Normally I would hear back from his personal nurse. He started by asking how I was doing, and some other filler questions. My mind was wrapped around just getting to the point of the call, and I knew what that was....the tests. He finally came out and told me that the final test shows that it is Ulcerative Colitis in the small intestine which is just the backwash ileitis which will heal itself in time. The tests were conclusive that Crohns was negative! Praise the Lord!! It was all I could do not to scream on the phone. He said that we will just proceed on as planned with the next surgery which will be the reconstruction. I go in just before Christmas on the 23rd, and we will then talk about scheduling the next surgery. It probably won't be till February or March, but I am just so very happy and thankful that it is certain that I don't have Crohns! I have to take the time to thank each and every one of you for your prayers for me. Know that they have not been in vain!

Now for a quick update of the past couple weeks. My strength has come back pretty much all the way. I am doing very well. I have had a few more problems with my ileostomy, and those times have not been fun! It has been very important to have a backup kit ready in the car, and has been very useful. I just recently made the first ostomy order, and hope that I can find something that works for me. All in time.... A couple weeks ago I woke up with what I thought were some bites on my neck. They hurt though instead of itching, and I kept getting more of them as the week went on. It turned out that I got a mild case of the shingles. I only have 8 pockets that are spread out along my right neck and shoulder. I got an antibiotic started to help with the pain, and also help them not to spread. I can't believe how painful just this small case of them is. It is sharp pain all the way to the bone! I am still fighting them to go away. It just takes time apparently. On Saturday David and I got our Christmas pictures done. I am proud of myself that I am on top of it this year! :) The picture below is a sample. My grandma left to go back home on Sunday. I couldn't begin to tell what a blessing it was to have her here and all her help! She will be missed!

I hope all of you have a wonderful Thanksgiving with friends and family! Don't forget the Lord in the hustle and bustle of the holidays. He is the one who deserves our Thanks!!

Helpless

2009-11-05T22:48:00.000-08:00

I grab my Bibile and purse, and head out the door on Wednesday night. I was meeting up with my family at Johnny Carinos for a nice dinner before church. The whole drive in I couldn't wait to see my wonderful husband, and give him a kiss. I just love their bread dipped in the olive oil, but made myself eat only a little, and started my meal with a sald.

That is when it happened. Right in the middle of dinner I started to feel a trickle run down my stomach and onto my leg. I looked over at my husband and said, "I need help...FAST!". I stood up and started to quickly make my way to the bathroom. David snatched my purse and followed behind me as I ran into the bathroom and locked myself in the stall. My skirt was the first thing to come off, then my shoes, and then my underwear. I just stood there for a while and looked down at myself. All I could do was start crying. I felt so extremely helpless it scared me. The plastic seam of my ileostomy had somehow torn, and....well, lets just say it was gross and I felt miserable! I had nothing but toilet paper to help me out. My mother-in-law got me one of the restaurants cloth napkins, and I cleaned up just enough to make a quick exit out the side door, and into the car David had pulled around for me. As soon as he closed my door I started sobbing....it was the worst feeling in the world! He drove very fast and crazy to get me to my moms house (the closest place) where I was able to get into the shower and clean off good. We had a back-up kit in the car with all the stuff to change my ileostomy, so it all worked out ok in the end. Even after I was cleaned up and ok I still found myself with tears running down my face. It was a terrible night, and one I hope to never repeat!

One Day at a Time...

2009-11-05T22:09:00.000-08:00

I do remember in my last blog update that I promised a picture. Here is a recent one of me and my wonderful husband at a wedding we attended on the 24th of October....which also happened to be the day of his 26th birthday. He does look rather handsome if I do say so myself! :)

The past week and a half has went by in a kind of blurr. It has been a time of testing my strength, pushing myselff to do more than I probably would have just being at home. Overall, my efforts have been for the good. There were some days that I pushed myself a little too much, and paid for it the next, but in the case of doing it over I wouldn't change any of it. I was able to go to my second cousin's rehersal dinner, and wedding. It was so good to see and talk to everyone from my dads side of the family. At the time I was still quite weak, and didn't have much stamina to stand long or walk far. I refused at the beginning of the night to use the whealchair, but halfway through the night and only making it halfway down a long path I gave up. The rest of the night I stayed sitting down in the whealchair, and watching all the excitment go on all around me. I wanted so bad to just get up and be strong and healthy like so many there. It will definately be a night to remember, but it did take all my strength from me.

The very next day started our churchs' anual Mission's Conferrence. Growing up, this week was always one of the highlights of the year. As a teenager, and in college we were always right in the center of doing the decorating, being in singing groups and chiors, and helping with plays. For anyone, this week would put its tole on you, but it was always worth it. It was very hard for me this year not to be involved in anything that took place for the Missions Conference. Last Year we kept a wonderful family to Brazil in our home with us, and just fell in love with them and their field! I remember telling David way back in the summer to remember to talk to someone early about keeping another family at the Missions Conference for this year. Not only could we not keep anyone, but I couldn't take part in singing, much less attend every night. I pushed myself to go as much as I could, and only missed 2 nights. It is such a testimony to see so many families with their hearts wholy surrendered to God. The Lord really helped me to see how my life (albeit an unhealthy one) can affect so many others around me, and that through it all I can touch lives only I would every know. How true it is that I must keep strong in the Lord no matter how down I get at times. Down isn't really a very good adjective to use either. Throughout everything I've come through I have faced some pretty serious times of depression! There have been days and nights I lay weeping into my pillow....evenings full of pain and hurt both physically and emotionally. Down is just a nice way of saying that I struggle everyday with keeping my mind and heart set on the Lord, and that in the end there is a perpose in it all.

Last week I had my first post-op visit to my doctor. I didn't recieve the best news ever. He wants me to wait at least 6 months before I have my second surgery instead of the suspected 3 month wait. Along with that, he talked to me about the possibilities still that I might have Crohns. When I was in the hospital they did a tissue test to see whether or not I had the disease in my small intestine. It came back negative, and we've been thankful about that ever since. My doctor told me that he wasn't convinced with just that one test. He has had over 30 years plus of experience doing these surgeries, and he said that the way it looked and felt to him while he was in there just set a red alarm to him that it was Crohns. He has ordered more detailed testing to be done before he will be convinced of it, and give me the ok to go on to the next surgery. Please pray hard with me that the results remain negative. Keeping my ileostomy for life isn't something I want to have to get used to.

In just the past two weeks my strength has increased alot. I can feel my back and stomach muscles getting stronger everyday. I have been trying to stretch the muscles in my stomach, and fill my lungs full of air. Ever since the surgery, my lungs haven't been at full compacity. At first it was hard to breathe, and hard to talk. Slowly it has gotten better and better, but it still hurts to yawn deep and cough. The stretching has helped to open it all back up. My membership at 24HR fitness has been frozen, and we just unfroze it so I can start working out and getting all the muscles in my body strong and ready for surgery #2.

This past week I started having problems with my stoma. My stoma has been shrinking so the seal from the ileostomy hasn't been holding strong. Because of this all the skin around my stoma is very irritated and beginning to become infected. I have called my doctor, and will be going to see my stoma nurse soon. I hope she can help because it is very painful!

My thanks and love goes out to everyone of you!

Catching Up

2009-10-22T02:53:00.000-07:00

I haven't been sleeping well at nights at all. In fact it is 3:14am right now, and here I am on the computer. Last night as I layed in bed unable to fall asleep I began to think about how far I've come in the past 3 1/2 weeks. I find that I am getting very impatient with how slow my recovery has been, reminiscing helped.

I remember having to have 2 poeple help me into bed because I couldn't lift my legs up or scoot myself back....now I am getting in and out of bed with no help at all. I remember having to have help to make it to the bathroom every time and to sit down....now I can go and sit all by myself. I remember what a chore it was to take my first few showers having both moms do everything and wash me....now I can shower myself (with the help of a hand held nozzle and shower seat :) ). I remember how bad it hurt to simply talk those few days, or even laugh or sneeze or cough....now it isn't pain free, but very doable. I remember all the heavy pain meds I was getting around the clock....now I am almost cut completly off of the vicaden and subbing everything with Tylenol and Aleve. I remember what a chore walking the halls at the hospital were, and now I am able to walk around the house slowly without any help. I remember not being able to eat or keep anything down....now I am eating myself out of house and home! :) I could keep going on and on with every small thing that has improved in the past weeks of recovery. Thinking back on all these things helps me to see how far I have come. I am still FAR from being strong and where I want to be, but it is important to me that I not get down, or if I get down not to stay that way. The road ahead is still very long, and I have found it best to just take it one day at a time and not think into the future at starting over and over again.

I mentioned in my last blog update about my sister Stephanie's visit. She left her family in Pensylvania and flew down to be with me for a few days once I got home from the hospital. What an amazing time we had together! I cherished every minute. She is expecting her third baby in Novenmber, and it is finally a boy! We are all very excited to finally get a boy in the family. Us girls definately dominate! Steph was so good at helping me. She was here for the first home ostomy change. She helped David at changing the bag for the first time without help from the nurses. They both did awesome, and was so gentle. David had already been introduced to it all, but it was all very new to Steph and she handled it so good. She was there to help me shower. She helped cook and clean and grocerie shopped, and patiently put up my fall decorations. (putting up with my pickyness) :) I could list even more things about my grandmother being here to help me this whole time. David and I don't know what we would do without her! I am very lucky to have a wonderful family!

Sometimes I sit and look down and just stare at my new friend that is now a permanent fixture on my stomach. I am still not used to it. I hate looking at myself in the mirror and seeing what I now look like. I hate picturing how my husband sees me. I have a bag of poop hanging from my stomach.....how can he aver look at me and think that I am sexy again! I have many times apologized over and over at how I look, and how he has to sacrifice so much for my sake. I am so tired of it being about me already! Through it all he is there. So gentle and caring...so calm and that rock that I need. He is so wonderful to me, and I am very lucky! Back to my stoma, whom we started calling SID. (my Small Intestine Dilemma) :) SID can sometimes be very active at the wrong times. I have absolutely no control over him...he has his own mind. :) Sometimes he is very loud, and makes loud noises. It is very embarrassing! One of the times pastor was in the hospital visiting us it started making tons of noise. Gurgle gurgle gurgle...so loud, and all I could do is sit there and feel my face flush bright red. Another thing about it is that I can feel every output. It's a very wierd feeling. The bag gets in the way alot, and I am constantly aware of it. Any time I am out I feel like thats all anyone sees. My husband assures me it isn't that noticeable, but I don't believe him. :) All these things are still very new to me and will take some getting used to. How very thankful I am that this is not a permanent fixture in my life. How thankful I am that I do not have Crohns!!

Alot of poeple are asking what I can and can"t eat right now. For the first 2 weeks after surgery I was limited on some foods. Not anymore! :) I am actually eating alot! I am trying to get a good amount of protien at each meal. One of my doctors main concerns is that my protien levels get back up. I was very malnourished and anemic going into surgery. Part of the recovery requirments is for me to get all those numbers back up to normal. The doctor won't think about doing the next surgery till that happens. Water is another very inportant thing right now. I have to make sure to get alot of fluids down me so I don't get dehydrated. The job of my colon was to take the liquid out of the waste. It isn't there to do its job anymore, so I have to compensate for it by drinking lots. My grandma is very good at keeping my glass full and encouraging me to drink more. I gained 4 poulds the first week after I got home, and started getting worried I was going to gain a ton of weight. :) Don't know why, but I lost those four pounds and am staying at a steady weight of what I was before. I am eating alot, and getting stronger so I'm not gonna worry about it. It's just a number on a scale, right!

Day after day is passing by, and one of the hardest things for me is being cooped up. I get really antsy at seeing the same four walls. I also have to bum a ride off of everyone since I can't hop in the car and do what I need to do. I have been able to get out some, and am very thankful for each time! My imune system is still down, and so getting out at all is always a risk. I cannot afford to catch any sickness going around. I took up cross stitching to help pass the time. It is very time consumong, but I am enjoying it.

This past week my mom went up to Pensylvania to visit Steph and the girls. Katie was with us for the week. It was fun to have her here with us! She was able to come with me to church for the first time since my surgery on Sunday morning. It was so good to be there! You really don't realize how much you miss going to church till you can't go for weeks on end! I am continually reminded at how good god is! I have had a song stuck in my head..... "God's so good to give us so many blessings underserving thats what we are...we are to thank Him love and praise Him a little more today, a whole lot more tomorrow." A little song, but full of great truth!

In just these past few days I have been working hard at stengthening my core muscles back up. I am doing good at making it around the house without any help at all. I can't wait to be free from the walker that has helped me so much. The only thing is that my back is taking a tole from not having help. My low back muscles are very sore! Once again, its just about taking it one day at a time. Each day is different. I have my bad days, and better days. All in all I am doing good. One of my small incisions on the right side lost its stitches today. It looks really good, and is healing smoothly! We have a wedding to go to this weekend, and then starting Sundady is our churchs' Missions Conference. In my next blog I will post some pics on how I am looking these days post surgery. Friday will be four weeks already! Time really does fly!

I think this blog update will finally catch me up. Thank-you everyone for all the prayers for David and I! Please don't stop!! :) We are truely grateful!!

Remainig Hospital Stay

2009-10-18T12:43:00.000-07:00

It is Thursday morning at 2:30in the morning. David helps me get up to go to the bathroom (a major ordeal at this point) and believe it or not this was the first time since the surgery that I felt some strength. I asked David when I was done if he would take me on a walk down the halls. So there we were in the middle of the night walking the halls. That was the longest walk I had taken, almost 45 minutes long, and it felt very good! We got back to the room, and went back to bed very excited about the progress being made. Just a mere 3 hours later I woke up in a frenzy of body shakes. I was freezing cold. David piled blanket after blanket on top of me but still the shakes just got worse. For 45 minutes David and I did everything at all possible that we could do to help me. My jaw kept slamming down hard on my tongue, and my hands were shaking so fast I looked like I was having a seizure. David put warm hearts on me, was constantly rubbing my arms and thighs to try and calm me. It seemed nothing we did made any difference. This whole escapade was constant torture for me. Basically for a solid 45 minutes every muscle in my body was tensed up. I don’t think I need to explain how bad it hurt to have all the muscles in my abdomen area tense for 45 minutes. After about 30 minutes of getting nowhere David called the nurses in. Very soon I had 4-5 of them surrounding my bed. They were watching my heart rate and temperature rise very quickly. Once they started giving me oxygen I could slowly start feeling my body relax and the body shakes calm down slowly. My whole abdomen area ached, and I could strongly feel each one of my incisions. Basically what happened is that my body spiked from a normal 98 degrees to almost 104 degrees in those short 45 minutes of time. I had no control.

So here it is Thursday morning, and I feel almost worse than I did the first day after surgery. After the doctor saw me he told us they are worried about the possibility of phenomena. They worried about my lungs collapsing. Immediately David and my family were worried and begging me to get up and walk more and do the breathing machine more and eat more. I wanted too…how I did want to. I hated feeling so bad and being so weak. The doctor put me on even stronger pain meds from the night before, and it made me so drowsy and weak and tired. On top of that I couldn’t eat anything. I think I tried eating 3 times on Thursday, and threw up each time. Thursday, Friday, and Saturday was three continuous days of high fever, nausea, and being so weak I could barely make to the bathroom and back to the bed. Disagreements of whether I was fighting hard enough or not those three days finally came to an end on Sunday morning when my fever broke, and I was able to ingest some applesauce without becoming sick. Those three days were full of emotions from one end to the other. All of the family was so worried about me getting worse. We were all so thankful once I started pulling through, and gaining some strength. Saturday night the doctor told me he would give me one more night, and if nothing changed they would start feeding me through IV. It had been 3 days and 3 nights since I had kept anything down. Praise the Lord that Sunday morning I took a turn for the better!

In those three days I had 2 CT scans done and 2 chest x-rays done. All the doctors could tell us is that I just developed some sort of infection, and it just had to run its course. What infection and where, they did not know. Sunday I started to eat very small portions of soft foods. It felt good to finally feel good! I was able to get up and walk 3 times that day. Monday was just another day of continued healing, and I was getting very anxious to get home!! After being in the hospital for 10 long days I went home on Monday afternoon.

Tuesday, just after I got home, my sister Stephanie flew down from Pennsylvania to be with me for a few days. Although it wasn’t for long, I cherished the time I had with her! Her and my little sister Katie took me in a wheel chair to Kohl’s to buy all new underwear. None of what I had was conducive to the larger incision that I have now. Steph also put up all my fall decorations around the house. This is my most favorite time of year. I just love all the colors and smells! She was very patient with me instructing her from the chair of what to put where. That’s what sisters are for, right! My grandma came down the Friday before I got out of the hospital.. She had anticipated I would already be home, and she wanted to be her for me when I got home. She came down here for the long hall. She doesn’t go back home till the middle of November! How wonderful it has been to have her here! She has just been awesome at taking care of me. She does very well at keeping lots of water done me constantly! That’s what I need. David asked me just the other day, “So…is grandma gonna come down for all of your surgeries?” :) He kept on talking about how he couldn’t imagine what the house would look like, or what kind of food we would be eating if he had to take care of it all. It is comical to think about, and I give him a hard time. The point in saying this is that we are very thankful and blessed to have grandma here with us to help!

My surgery was 3 weeks ago yesterday, and I am doing very well! I want to write one more blog update and tell in more detail how I am doing right now. Will try and finish that up in the next couple days. It feels like I got so far behind, and I just can’t get caught up.

One more quick thing I wanted to add. David and I have two praise reports to tell. First off, he got a job! It is not the “ideal” job that he may have wanted, but it is a job none the less, and we are very thankful!! Secondly, I was accepted into the Texas high risk pool insurance. No other insurance company would take me on, and this was our last resort. If you remember reading earlier in one of my blogs I told about the money the Lord provided to pay the first 3 months premium for this insurance. We had to pay that sum up front before we even knew whether or not I was accepted. Praise the Lord that I was!! What an answer to prayer, and a burden lifted that it was!

Well, that’s all for now. Thank-you for reading, and for each and every one of your prayers!! They are cherished!

First days after surgery

2009-10-14T21:14:00.000-07:00

Two weeks and ----- days since my last blog update. I am very sorry for the delay of my updates from my surgery. I don’t believe I will be able to write about everything from the past two weeks in one update, but I will start at the beginning.

September 25th…..it is 4:15 on this Friday morning and the alarm is beeping away. Today is the day of my first major surgery, and my nerves are on end! David and I are scheduled to be at the hospital for pre-op at 5:30am. The first thing that we did before we got out of bed was hold on to each other and pray. It was a special time for me to remember back on. Today was very scary for both me and him! Once we got to the hospital things moved along rather quickly. It seemed like I was ready and in a room waiting to go back in no time. My mom and Katie came up early that morning along with mom and dad Ronson to see and be with me. All the nurses kept commenting on how special it was to have so much support and family around…..and it was! I have to thank each and every one of you for your prayers on that day. I can honestly say that the Lord gave me extra special peace going into the surgery that morning. There is no way that I would have been so calm on my own! The Lord was definitely with me!

I woke up from surgery in a lot of pain. The nurse that was assigned to me during the recovery post-op was the sweetest lady….I am so thankful! Waking up from anesthesia is a funny thing.  At the time you don’t realize how out of it you still really are. The only thing that really brings you to any amount of thought is the pain. Your mind is constantly pulling that feeling to the front and foremost of your brain. My sweet nurse gave me this button and put it in my hand. She told me that whenever it hurts to push the button. Then I asked her, “How many times can I push it?” Her response should not have been “as much as you want”.  Seriously, I laid there at one point and pushed the button over and over and over….probably 20 times at least. And then a couple minutes later I’m pushing it over and over and over again. Once I told her, “the button isn’t working”. She just laughed.  My time in the recovery post-op was supposed to be only 1-2 hrs. I ended up being in there for almost 5! Try and think about David during this time. The 4 hr surgery is done, and the doctor tells him he can see me soon after my short time in the post-op. Him and the whole family waited anxiously all afternoon for me to get out. In the post-op recovery they ran six big bags of fluid in me very quickly, and my body wasn’t putting any of it back out. After a very long afternoon for both me and the family I got wheeled to my room at 5:30 pm that night. David was so happy and relieved to see me!

Below is a before and after picture of my belly. At one of my pre-op visits they marked me where they would place the stoma. That is the blue mark on me in the first picture. The second one if you look closely you can see all six of the incision sites.

I can honestly say that the incisions are the very least of the pain that I felt. Although they may look bad, the amount of work that they did on the inside far exceeds these small cuts. The colon (which is the large intestine) had to be cut completely free from everything and removed from the body. In turn the small intestine and everything around it has new “neighbors” and has to be reattached to abdominal walls. Basically, my point is that the work done on the inside was very intense, and you feel it! It is 90% of the pain, and very painful!

Saturday was a hard day for me. It was the day I realized how out of it I was. I honestly wasn’t prepared mentally for how bad of shape I would be in. It was hard for me to even look at myself and how bad I looked. I was immediately depressed about my self image. I felt like I would never be normal again. It is over 2 weeks later now, and I can still honestly say that I still struggle quite a bit with my self image. I secretly hate my stoma and ileostomy and can’t wait for the day it is gone! I do know that these things are just something I have to live with and deal with for now, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it, does it? Ok, so on top of all this the doctor came in and told David and I that he thought that the last 8 inches of my small intestine had the disease called Crohns in it. This news hit David and I very hard! We wouldn’t be able to get the results for a few more days. The news of that possibility was very hard on both of us! I couldn’t at that moment even think of the many things we would have to deal with if the results came back positive. My husband (though he probably wouldn’t admit it) was such a strong support to me every single day! I praise the Lord for him!! It was this night, just one day after the surgery that I started feeling all the anxiety that I thought I should have felt going into the surgery. I don’t think that David or I slept all night that night. I felt an overwhelming sense that that night was going to be my last. It was so very real to me at the time and in that moment that I didn’t want to even close my eyes I was so scared. We tried calling pastor to talk to him but couldn’t get through. We talked to dad Ronson on speaker probably for 30 minutes. David read to me from the Bible chapter after chapter, and we prayed together over and over. I talked to my mom for a while, but no peace. I felt so scared and without any peace at all. David was wonderful, and did everything he could do. Finally we called our used to be youth pastor at 1 in the morning, and he talked to us for almost an hour on speaker. It did help a little by the end of the conversation. He told David to get in the bed with me and wrap his arms around me. That did help me to feel safe, and I dosed off and on for a couple hours. That night seemed to go on forever, and I couldn’t wait till the morning.

Sunday was just another day. Lots of pain, but nothing out of the ordinary. According to the doctors I was progressing well. We still awaited the news about the Crohns. This waiting was a huge burden on us each day we waited. Today was the day of my first shower after the surgery. My mom and mother-in-law were there to do that very hard job. They were wonderful, and took care of me very well. I can’t emphasize enough how helpless I was. I felt like I couldn’t do anything for myself. I guess really I didn’t realize how much you use all of your core muscles, and without them…..its just hard to do anything. I was soon a big fan of all those wonderful pain meds they were pumping in me! Rachael, my sister-in-law spent the night with me tonight. This night I was having a lot of the same feelings of being scared and anxious like the night before. It was nice to have a girlfriend there to talk to. Rachael started reading to me from the Bible too. She just read a lot of the Psalms and Proverbs, and a lot of the promises of the Lord. She was reading in Proverbs 3, and read this set of verses that spoke to me, and I claimed them, and I had her read them over and over. It was Proverbs 3:23-26a “Then shalt thou walk in thy way safely, and thy foot shall not stumble. When thou liest down, thou shalt not be afraid: yea, thou shalt lie down, and thy sleep shall be sweet. Be not afraid of sudden fear, neither of the desolation of the wicked, when it cometh. For the Lord shall be thy confidence,….”

Monday and Tuesday were uneventful days. Each day anxiously awaiting the news about having Crohns. Each day I received so much support from family and friends! My room was filled with flowers, and cards from people who loves and cares so much about me. On top of it all I slowly started crashing emotionally.

On Wednesday I finally lost it, and after a sting of events I finally broke down. I cried, no I should say I wept out loud to David for a good 15 minutes, and then to my mom for just as long again. It did feel good to just get it out. It was kinda funny that in the middle of this breakdown I was having the doctor comes to inform us that the results for the Crohns was negative. Praise the Lord!! Everything was in such a tizzy I couldn’t even be as happy as I wanted to be.  Ok, yes, I am a girl! Oh, may I also mention that right then in the middle of all this pastor shows up too. David leans his head in and tells me, and I just started shaking my head and crying more. In my head I almost wanted to laugh how everything was happening all at once, and also how out of control I was….!

I will have to say these first few days after surgery were hard in many different ways, and I am very glad to have them done and over with. The Lord is very good, and he was with us every step of the way. Thank-you to every one of you for your prayers for David and I during this time! The Lord was with us. We are very grateful!

More on the rest of my hospital stay in a little bit. Sorry it has taken so long to update you all.

Seeing God's Hand

2009-09-24T12:56:00.000-07:00

It has been so amazing to watch the Lord work and show His hand in the middle of these times. I have mentioned before about all of the donations and money that has been given to us recently. We just started putting everything into a savings account for when we needed it. I applied for and got turned down for personal insurance. We are now in the process of applying for insurance through a state run high risk pool of insurance. There is ALOT of papework and and things to get ready and send in. Along with it all we had to send in the premium for the first 3 months of the insurance payments. David got the total back that it would be, and it was the very exact ammount that was in the savings account!! It was a need the Lord knew we needed before we even needed it. David came to me and said, "Babe, I think I know why the Lord gave us that money...." We are both just in awe as we watch the Lord's hand in our lives right now. Maybe it wasn't the Lord's desire for me to be complete healed form this disease, but He has shown Himself faithful every step of the way!!

I am so blessed to have so many friends who care so much about me. I couldn't begin to write everything that everyone has done for me. I know of many different churches, and poeple all over the world who are praying for us. People who don't know David and I at all, and yet care so very much! I cherish every single one of your prayers!

I wanted to write and let everyone know in specific how you could pray for me tomorrow during surgery. Yesturday I had all my different pre-op appointments with the surgeon and at the hospital. My surgeon told me that this series of surgeries could be done in a 2-step process instead of the 3-step process which he anticipates I will overgo. He said that there is a chance that tomorrow during the surgery if everything is going just perfectly smooth, and if my anemia counts and malnourishment counts are at a desent level he might just go ahead and proceed on with the second surgery. He wouldn't make this decision until in the middle of surgery, and his decision would be based on how things are going. He told me not to get my hopes up, but that it was a possibility. Well, its too late... :) My hopes are up, and very high! :) I am hoping and praying that He could do the first 2 surgeries all at once. It would cut off another major surgery, and a good 3-4 months of recovery time. Please pray with us tomorrow that this will be the case. Pray that the Lords hand will be on me, and the surgeons. The surgeon also told us that in such a detailed surgery as this that the chances of some sort of complication is very high...50/50. There are so many things that could go wrong. Yes, I am VERY nervous, but I can tell that so many peolple are praying. I feel a peace going in to this, and I thank the Lord for it!!

God is so good to me! I have so much to be thankful for!

Very quickly I wanted to tell everyone reading that I will be posting some belly pictures from before and after my surgery. I have found so much help from different people who have gone through the same thing I am facing on a website called j-pouchlife.com. They have been kind enough to post a link to my blog on their website so that maybe my journey through this could be a help and encouragment to someone else facing this as well. Others on that website have been couragous enough to show "real" pictures from thier surgeries, and it helped me so much to prepare for this. If I can be of any help to others out there, that would make me very happy. Basically this is a warning to anyone who reads this that the next few blog updates will have some not so pretty pictures in them. Sorry if it affends anyone, but please think of it as strictly medical because that is what it is.

Thanks again to everyone for your prayers for me tomorrow!! Will update on Saturday if I am able.

Our Trip

2009-09-20T16:47:00.000-07:00

Do you see the rays of sun shining through the clouds behind me? It was so beautiful, and just a picture to me of God's greatness!! David and I got out together one evening, and went down to the peir for a walk out on the water. The weather was so beautiful, and it was so nice to be together! I am so thankful to have such a patient husband! The peir is very long, a good 5 minute walk out to the end! The closest bathroom is at the front, and for me, thats a bit of a problem. Two times we started our walk, got about 1/4 of the way down and I stop and turn around and start running back to the bathroom. Finally after 3 tries, we made it the the end of the peir. Mmm, dreams of days like these to be over are so exciting to think about!! Things like taking a long walk, and camping, and bike riding....only to name a few are things that havn't even been an option for me to do for so long now. Anyways, I am very thankful for my husband and how supportive patient and wonderful he is to me! Our walk on the peir was fun!! :)

I love the water!! I have always loved swimming, and it was the one thing growing up that I was good at! :) When David and I ever get away, it seems to always be around water. We love it! Below, you can see us in the ocean (very small) but we are there. It is so pretty and fun and relaxing all at the same time! We both got a little too much sun though. We are peeling like crazy already!

This next picture is one of my favorites from the trip. Right before we left we got a quick shot outside the condos. Our trip was amazing, and we are so very thankful for it! I know in a couple weeks I will look at these, and only wish I could be playing in the ocean... :) I am looking further though, to the end product, and then I will look at these and think of how bad I really felt during this time.

I don't want to take away from any of the glory from our wonderful trip above. Just real quickly I want you to try and imagine with me. Imagine running in haste to the toilet at least 2-3 times every hour. Imagine every time you are running an incredible amount of pain swelling throughout your entire body. Imagine sitting on the toilet in so much pain it makes your head spin in circles, and you seeing black spots, and just wanting to vommit all over the floor in front of you if it could help take the incredible pain away. Image once more wiping, and seeing large blood clots, then looking into the toilet and just seeing red. Imagine this over and over happening to you all day long, and then all night long, and then all day long the next day.

This has been my experience.....the story of my life....as I sometimes say. Friday and Saturday were a couple very bad days for me. I lost a very large ammount of blood altogether, and by the end of it started feeling very week and lightheaded. Days like that only make me so very happy of the upcoming surgery on Friday! On Friday I went to Kohls to pick something up for my mom. I spent 30 minutes in the bathroom. I called her at one point, and just started crying, "Mom, I don't know what to do". My poor mother was at work and obviously couldn't do anything for me, she didn't really have much to say to me except that she thought that I have made the right choice! I think so too!!

Only 5 more days till this old diseased colon will be out of me, and Lord willing I will be on the road to recovery, and a much healthier life! We are celebrating my nephews 1st birthday tomorrow, and it makes me so very sad! Him and JoLynn would have only been a couple weeks apart, and so close of friends. My heart continually aches for her, and for the hope that one day we can have another baby to cherish. Why does it always seem that somehow I end up summing my entries up with feelings and dreams of JoLynn? I guess the answer would be because that is where my true hearts desire lies. I am tired of it being about me and my health...I am ready to be normal once again!

Anointing

2009-09-10T10:15:00.000-07:00

Pound...pound...pound was all I could feel against my chest as my husband grabbed my hand and started leading my towards the stage. It is Sunday night right after the invitation at church. I look up at my pastor and his eyes are filled with tears and he is all choked up. Not one word was said as David and I took a seat on the platform with 5 men of God surrounding us. Pastor took a vile of oil and poured just a small amount on top of my head. Next thing I know Pastor Bob's hand laid on my head and he started praying...pleading with God to do a miracle in my body. Two separate missionaries took there turn praying over me and David. I stayed clenched to David's hand as hard as I could so as not to burst out weaping. A steady stream of tears flowed down my cheaks. Bro. Gear's turn to pray over me, and then lastly pastor. I could hear his heart just broke. He was begging with God to do a miracle in our lives. I felt so small, and so weak. I prayed too, just thanking God for being our strength and our hope.

It was over. My eyes were burning, and I couldn't stop crying. I walked off the stage fast and headed right to the bathroom. I thought that from crying my mascara was getting into my eyes. they were burning so bad. Come to find out that a small stream of the oil had made its way down my forehead and was running into my eye. With a litttle saline rinse, and some cold water that little drama past. :) A little funny to look back on.

I don't think that I can express into words the amazing feeling it was to be surrounded by the prayers of great men of God. I felt so unworthy, but yet they were praying for me! God is so good....and I am so blessed!! We continue to pray for a miracle in my body. We pray for a miracle in a job situation for David. We pray for a miracle for us to have another baby, maybe not right now, but someday. It is a hope and longing that will never decrease or go away. The Lord is good, and continues His blessings toward us! We are truely grateful!

The surgery is just a mere 2 weeks from today, and nerves are setting in. We get to get away for 3 nights together next week down in Padre. I am very excited, and am looking forward to a special time together. I think that husband needs this more than I do. He is so good to me when I am sick. Even though he wouldn't admit it, he gets very cooped up. Not having a job definately adds to this alot! So, some time with him and a fishing pole will do him worlds of good!! :) I love the water! The beach in the off season is so peaceful, and relaxing. Thats what I'm most looking forward too!

Each day that passes, and I spend time after time on the toilet in pain. Each night that I lay in bed so tired and yet not able to sleep, then when asleep wake up over and over stumbling to the bathroom. These weary days and nights make me very glad that I am doing the surgery now. I am very glad that I won't have to deal with this for the next 6 months and then decide to do surgery. I am so glad that these weary days and nights, where it seams like I can't get anything done without getting tired, are soon to be over! I Praise the Lord for His goodness and mercies to us!

Blessings....

2009-09-06T14:03:00.000-07:00

My cup is full! This blog update is to give glory to my Lord, and give thanks and praise to the untold poeple who have given so much!
II Corinthians 4:16-17 "For the which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory."
I could write out promise after promise the Lord has given us. How needy we are of the Lords' promises each day! "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart...." We know the verse all too well. It isn't till you cling to these simple verses that we've known all our lives till you see the full meaning of them! "....lean not to thine own understanding." How hard this part is to actually do! Our minds are so small, and we understand so little. I think that is why the Lord put lean. :) I don't think we will ever come to the place where we understand the Lord's plan fully. "In all thy ways acknowledge him..." The key word here is "all". Wow, this is where we are at right now! In every aspect of our lives right now we have totally given over to the Lord, and put it in His hands to control. The next part is the promise He gives us. "...and he will direct your paths." Its scary at times, but knowing that the Lord is in control makes all the difference!
Ok, so I will stop with the Bible study, and get on with telling you all the amazing things that the Lord is doing for David and I :) My Uncle Hobie and Aunt Connie sent us a check in the mail the other day for $500! It was so unexpected and jaw dropping, I just started crying! I will tell you all quick that David is in the process of getting temporary personal insurance for me. The cost of this will be through the roof, but very much needed till he can secure down another job. Also, his unemployment runs out next month. We are putting all the funds that we get into a savings account for security on our house and the insurance. I want to explain this so you understand why I believe the Lord is providing in so many unreal ways! Someone told me the other day something that really made me think. They said, "Jessica, maybe the Lord knew David needed to be with you during this time, and He wants to provide for you in other ways" This really made me think, and be thank-ful for David being able to be with me! Ok, so I clean for 2 ladies. They are both sweethearts! Patty is one of them. She called me the other day and told me that her and Deatett (the other lady I clean for) both want to help me in some way. Patty works with Arbonne and wants to do a fundraiser for me to raise some money. Don't know alot about it, but I do know it had to do with selling a hand cream. She is talking all about it with my mom, and trying to get others to help. So Amazing! She also has another lady friend (who I don't know) who does some sort of community-help type meetings every month, and Patty was telling her about David and I and she wants to do her meeting this month about me. I was speechless, and didn't know what to say. These meetings also raise money for the person that they are trying to help! Amazing too, huh! My mom was talking to her boss about the fundraiser, and telling her about it. Her boss then mentions it to the owner of the largest complex they manage, and starts telling them about us. This owner, who doesn't know David or I at all, donated $500 to us right there on the spot! WOW!! Can you believe this! I know that this is just the begining of the Lord providing for David and I. Just today at church and unknown person gave Josh, my brother-in-law, a check for $800 to cover our morgadge for next month! The verse at the top is so true to us when it says that the inward man is renewed day by day! Praise the Lord for His goodness to us!! We are so unworthy! I thought it would be nice for you all who are praying so hard for David and I to know that the Lord is providing, and watching out for us! We are so very thankful!! Please don't stop praying for us, we love you all!

Its Time

2009-09-03T20:51:00.000-07:00

So I had another appointment with the surgeon today. I had several more serious questions to ask him, and to also talk to him about my general state of health as of right now. With much thought from both David and I, and with a recommended go ahead from the surgeon we decided to schedule the surgery for sooner rather than later. We decided it is better to do it now because my health is already so low. I don't really want to see where I will be in 3-6 months with my health just going downhill. The surgeon says that the more sick you are going into surgery the more time in recovery it will be. From beginning to end of the 3 surgeries is going to be at the very minimum 9 months, but more likely a year. I am not getting any younger, and am just ready to be healthy again. It will never be like it was before, and I understand that, but what I know is that this will remove this terrible disease from my body. I will be able to get stronger, and have a much more normal life than what I am dealing with right now on a day to day basis. Then maybe, just maybe the Lord will give David and I what we have been praying for for so long now, another precious child of our own. One we can actually keep, and raise to grow up and serve the Lord.
So, here it is. I am scheduled for the first major surgery September 25th at 7:30 in the morning. It will be at St. David's on 35. I am a sea of mixed emotions and feelings. I am nervous and scared, but curious and excited at the new life ahead of me. Pray for me......Pray for David....he needs a job more than anything right now. Love you all!

Visit with surgeon

2009-08-30T08:06:00.000-07:00

I am finally getting around to updating this from my visit to the surgeons last week. Sorry it's taken me so long. I want to include in this update a few of the blessings that the Lord has showered on us during this time. The surgeon really didn't have much new news to share with us. My mom and husband both went with me to hear everything he had to say, and ask lots of questions.
His name is Dr. Graves (not the best last name for a surgeon :) ). He is a very serious, lay-it-out flat like it is type of man. He explained to us that a major surgery like this gets the best results when split up into 3 smaller surgeries. This process however takes a good part of a year, anywhere from 9-12 months. Each surgery is still major, and will take many weeks each time to recover from. The first one would be the complete removal of my colon and rectum, and putting in place of an ileostomy. Essentially, this would be removing the disease from my body. An ileostomy is an outside bag (if everyone can understand that). This is kinda embarrassing for me. Dr. Graves will want to see not only me recover well from this first one, but also my general health to be improved before they go in to start surgery #2. The second surgery is reconstructive surgery. This is where they will actually take the end part of the small intestine, and shape it into a "J" shaped bag that will later act as my new colon, and then they will attach that to the rectum. Sew me back up and let that heal. Once that is all healed, they can go in for the third and final surgery. Here they will take off the ileostomy (Yeah!!) and redirect my bowels to run through the new "colon" and out like a normal person.
I'm sorry if this gets a little detailed and gross for some of you. :) It is what it is, and I am trying to explain it in the nicest way I can. This news of 3 surgerys that would take close to a year to complete was a surprise to me. I wasn't really expecting to be down and out for so long, and believe me I am not looking forward to having an ileostomy for that long either. The dr. said that I have definately been dealing with this for long enough, and have exhausted all the medical options out there, and that I am a perfect case for surgery. He didn't say however that I need to get the surgery done right away, and that he will leave the choice of when I get it up to me. He would not want to push something as serious as this on anyone unless it was life theatening.
After talking to us for a while he had my guests leave, and did a very invasive exam on me. He found out very quickly how inflamed and sensetive I was, and that I was not too prideful to let him hear how painful it was for me! It is a good mom who has a good strong vicaden to give me after something like that! :) I am blessed to have such a wonderful mother who cares for me so much! She is so bad, she puts so much stress on her own body worrying about me so much. I love her, and wouldn't trade her for anything in the world! David's family as well has done so much for us....I am very lucky to have married into such a wonderful family!
Last Sunday David came home with 2 very large fruit baskets from our church family! These things were huge, and full of all kinds of snacks and fruits, and drinks. We will eat for a year from them! :) Something that we treasured even more was the large stack of cards from the church family. We sat down and opened card after card. There was money and gift cards to all kinds of practical places like H-E-B, Walmart, Target, ad more! So many poeple who cared so much, and took the time to write us and tell us that they are praying. One card I was reading out loud said, "may the Lord give you a scripture or a hymn during these difficult moments, and may He sprinkle blessings around you reminding you how much He loves you, and how very near He is". I could barely finish reading it, and I was balling! I looked up at David and then down at everything and said with tears in my voice, "babe, look, He is here.... He is watching over us!" Sometimes in the midst of it all we get caught up in the stress and pain, and in each other or even ourselves and we loose sight of God. Almost as if we go blind. It has been almost impossible to lately with so many church family and friends and family there calling and texting letting us know that they are there to help. It is such an encouragment to have such good friends and family! We love you all!
I will say quickly that David and I are praying and talking seriously about starting the surgery sooner rather than later. My overall health has just dropped down to a lower level, and I don't think that there is any coming back from it. I am in constant pain, and not sleeping much. I don't really want to live on 6+ presciptions for the next 6 months while my health keeps going downhill. We want to make the right decision, and are spending much time thinking and praying about this option. I will ask for you to pray with us about this. We will be talking more to the surgeon this next week, and flooding him with even more questions. If and when we set anything in stone I will post an update. Thank-you all for the prayers!

hospital visit

2009-08-21T10:25:00.000-07:00

Well I lied :) I said that the next time I would update would be after my appointment with the surgeon. I did not know when I wrote the last update that I would be spending 3 days in the hospital. I will quickly tell how I got here, and what has happened since Ive been here.

Ya'll do know that since the colonoscopy procedure I havent been doing the best. Each day after the procedure I was able to eat less and less, and each day I got sicker and sicker. By monday and tuesday, food was pretty much not appetizing, and the pain was just getting more severe! I had a bout of vomiting that lasted for about 5 minutes solid, I knew I couldn't let myself keep getting worse. I then called my Dr. on Wednesday morning, and he highly suggested that I came in to the hospital. He called in before me to make it easier to get through the ER.

Once I made it back to the ER room, they immediately started me on a bag of IV fluid, and pushed some heavy narcotic pain med and nausia med through. Whew! That stuff hit me in less than 60 seconds, and I felt for a few minutes like I couldn't breath, or hear anything. I started just crying and crying.....I rolled over on my side, and fell right asleep. It was amazing the instant relief I felt from it. It was almost as if everything in my whole stomach area was able to release from a strong hold it had had on me for so long, and I could relax and breath. Made me instantly glad I had gone in! They told me later I was very dehydrated and malnourished, and would be admitted. It was a blessing that they got me into a room so quickly! Only had to be down in the ER for about 3 hrs. Once in my room they were running all kinds of stuff into my veins......Heavy pain meds, iv steroids, potassium, anti-biotics, and lots of fluids! The first night was so much better when it came to pain. The nurse came in though at 3 a.m. and took my blood pressure which was at a very low 58/37! They did as much as they could to get it up into the low 70's, and then waited til morning. In the morning they took some blood, and found out that my anemia was really low as well! It was running around an 8 instead of the normal 14. They then decided to give me a blood transfusion. Took most of the day to run in the 2 units of blood. I almost immediately started to get color and feel lots better! My little sister Katie was with me the whole day on Wednesday so David was able to get out for the afternoon and go take a shower and catch a nap since the recliner in the room did not tend him much sleep. I found out last night night that I am still in quite a bit of pain but have been numb to it since they have had me on a rotation of vicaden and morphene every 4 hrs. I tried going last night without any and paid for it. I gave in early this morn and went ahead and took some. So many friends and family have come to see me and let me know of there on going prayers. What a blessing!! We haven't had to worry about any meal either because there has been someone there each time ready and willing to bring us anything we could want or need!

David and I are very glad that we made the decision to obey the Dr. and come in. I don't know how much worse I would have kept getting if I would have just stayed home.

Still here right now, but just got the confirmation that I get to go home later. Thank-you everyone for your prayers!!

So Sick.....

2009-08-18T20:38:00.000-07:00

I set this blog up simply for my health updates. As of now, what will go on here will most likely not be good or exciting news. I cherish each of your prayers, and each of you that take the time to read about the battles I am facing.

This past week since the colonoscopy has been one of my worst weeks. The Dr did say that it was inevitable that my colon would be bother by the procedure. While in there the camera is just bunping against the bleeding ulcers. It has nevertheless caused intense pain for me ever since! In 5 days I have lost 8 lbs. The pain has been so bad it causes me to be so nausious, and therefore making food unappetizing. I do try and eat what I can, but fight it staying down. Last night I think was one of the most painful nights of my life! Could not rest because the pain was so severe. At one point, I was sitting on the toilet moaning out from the pain, and almost passed out....instantly from the tips of my toes to the top of my head I broke out into cold sweats, my heart felt like it was beating out of my chest. I say all this to explain how down-hill I've gone in just a few days.

Yesturday the Dr called me and wanted to see me right away. Instantly David and I were worried. Dr's don't call you in to tell you good news. We started expecting the worst, so that way anything we heard that wasn't that bad would be good news. It worked to. :). We went in half way expecting the biopsies to have traces of cancer, and what we heard was not even close. My Dr. is just guenuinely concerned about me. He wants me to go see a rectal surgeon right away. He said that dr's like to drag their feet when it comes to surgery because they dont like to see their patients get cut. He said that he keeps reviewing my file and is just very concerned with how bad it is. He wants a surgeon to make the decision of whether we should give it more time or not. And he wants me to go now, in a few days if possible and is gonna help me get in. The next update on here will be after the apt with the surgeon.

David and I were able to go to lunch with pastor and share with him our stuggles.We are so lucky to have such a good pastor who loves and cares for us! He wants to take the time tommorrow during church to poor oil and pray over me. I am not worthy, but more than grateful! I want to say again thank-you all who are reading and keeping me and David in your prayers!!

2nd Colonoscopy Result

2009-08-13T19:22:00.000-07:00

Everyones heard of the saying "When it rains it poors". The problem is that I know what this means a little too much. I feel as if it hasn't stopped raining in a very long time! Sure, some days its only a drizzle, and yes there has been a few sunny days. Pretty much thought I'm living in Washington state.
I forgot completely about my prcedure yesturday. I get a call the day before (its a good thing), and she's reminding me about the day of prep that I need to do. Great, so now instead of getting up and going shopping all day, I get to go to the store pay $45 for nasty liquid stuff to clean out my colon. So, I eat nothing and drink this fluid constantly all day. The pain it caused my intesines was unreal!
Wednesday, the day of, August 12th. We wake up at 5 in the morning since I have to be there at 6:30. I felt like since they were doing a colonoscopy I should shower in the morning and be as clean as I could for my doctor......if you know what I mean! :) Get there, get prepped and ready. Ok, so this is the funny part!! They weel me back into the procedure room, and start getting me ready. My doctor comes in, and tells me he's ready to go. The nurse pumps my IV with the "sleeping" med. A couple minutes later I'm still laying there talking to her. SHe asking me all kinds of ?'s about myself. The doc comes over to me and asks, "how are you doing?". I simply reply, "I'm fine". He smiles, and says, "you shouldn't be talking to us right now". :) :) It was kind of a funny moment. That was until the other (guy) nurse starts pulling up my gown and exposing me! I'm like....hello! Im not asleep yet! :) The doctor had to call an anesthesiologist in and dose me up with something alot heavier. Pretty funny! I was pleased with how I woke up. Last procedure I woke up to so much pain I can just barely remember reaching over the bed and grabbing the nurses near me yelling at them "It hurts! It hurts!" This time was not even half as bad.
The bad news came when the doctor came in after with a very discouraged look on his face. He looked at both of us and shook his head and said, "It doesn't look good in there". He said sometimes symptoms will be worse than what inside actually is, and he was hoping for that for my sake. He told me I believe you are very sick, I know you live in pain.....I just saw it. The next thing he said crushed me. "I think we need to start looking at the possibility of total colon removal". He then proceded to give me the names and numbers of 3 different surgeons who specialize in that field. I will explain now why in such a short 5 years it has come down to this. First of all, UC (ulcerative colitis) in most poeple only inhabits part of their colon. Only a certain part would be affected by this disease. And second of all, UC is known to have "flare-ups". this is a period of time where that certain part starts having problems becoming inflamed and bleeding with ulcers. These "flare-ups tend to last the for the average UC patient 1-3 months. Ok, so my colon for over 5 years now has been in a constant "flare-up", and not only to mention that it covers the whole thing from the rectum to the small intesine. The UC has now begun into the small intestine as well. One more thing the doctor told me. WHen you have UC completely covered throughout the whole colon, the chances of colon cancer more than doubles. Not only that, each year that it stays that way the chances of the cancer spikes. So pretty much My chances of colon cancer are super sky high!
Basically, I came away from yesturday finding out that I am holding a 2-sided coin. On one side, my colon is removed, taken out....forever. And on the other, cancer awaiting me.
Still haven't mentioned the fact that I lose my medical insurane in only 1 1/2 short months. My husband is on the brink of tears everyday . He has started losing hope. He is lacking the one thing that a man needs. The ability to provide for a family.
We need help. "Lord, its enough. We can't handle anymore! Please we beg you....we're on our hands and knees. We need a light on this very dark path!" Our prayers seem not to be answered, and why we ask over and over. Still praying for a bleesing to rain out of heaven. We need it....and soon!
Lastly, but not least. I will never stop the plead and prayer to God for another child of our own. For over 2 1/2 years now that has been our plee, and why the Lord won't give it to us is beyond comprehention.
I read back though this and can tell I am writing this in a depressed mode. I can't seem to shake it for the past few days. I won't change anything though, because this is real. This is my heart!!

1st blog :)

2009-08-06T18:24:00.000-07:00

Ok, so this is my first time here on blogspot. Im just tryin out all these features. Later I want to start writing updates on my health and whats goin on with me.