Catching Up

I haven't been sleeping well at nights at all. In fact it is 3:14am right now, and here I am on the computer. Last night as I layed in bed unable to fall asleep I began to think about how far I've come in the past 3 1/2 weeks. I find that I am getting very impatient with how slow my recovery has been, reminiscing helped.


 I remember having to have 2 poeple help me into bed because I couldn't lift my legs up or scoot myself back....now I am getting in and out of bed with no help at all. I remember having to have help to make it to the bathroom every time and to sit down....now I can go and sit all by myself. I remember what a chore it was to take my first few showers having both moms do everything and wash me....now I can shower myself (with the help of a hand held nozzle and shower seat :) ). I remember how bad it hurt to simply talk those few days, or even laugh or sneeze or cough....now it isn't pain free, but very doable. I remember all the heavy pain meds I was getting around the clock....now I am almost cut completly off of the vicaden and subbing everything with Tylenol and Aleve. I remember what a chore walking the halls at the hospital were, and now I am able to walk around the house slowly without any help. I remember not being able to eat or keep anything down....now I am eating myself out of house and home! :) I could keep going on and on with every small thing that has improved in the past weeks of recovery. Thinking back on all these things helps me to see how far I have come. I am still FAR from being strong and where I want to be, but it is important to me that I not get down, or if I get down not to stay that way. The road ahead is still very long, and I have found it best to just take it one day at a time and not think into the future at starting over and over again.


I mentioned in my last blog update about my sister Stephanie's visit. She left her family in Pensylvania and flew down to be with me for a few days once I got home from the hospital. What an amazing time we had together! I cherished every minute. She is expecting her third baby in Novenmber, and it is finally a boy! We are all very excited to finally get a boy in the family. Us girls definately dominate! Steph was so good at helping me. She was here for the first home ostomy change. She helped David at changing the bag for the first time without help from the nurses. They both did awesome, and was so gentle. David had already been introduced to it all, but it was all very new to Steph and she handled it so good. She was there to help me shower. She helped cook and clean and grocerie shopped, and patiently put up my fall decorations. (putting up with my pickyness) :) I could list even more things about my grandmother being here to help me this whole time. David and I don't know what we would do without her!  I am very lucky to have a wonderful family!


Sometimes I sit and look down and just stare at my new friend that is now a permanent fixture on my stomach. I am still not used to it. I hate looking at myself in the mirror and seeing what I now look like. I hate picturing how my husband sees me. I have a bag of poop hanging from my stomach.....how can he aver look at me and think that I am sexy again! I have many times apologized over and over at how I look, and how he has to sacrifice so much for my sake. I am so tired of it being about me already! Through it all he is there. So gentle and caring...so calm and that rock that I need. He is so wonderful to me, and I am very lucky! Back to my stoma, whom we started calling SID. (my Small Intestine Dilemma) :) SID can sometimes be very active at the wrong times. I have absolutely no control over him...he has his own mind. :) Sometimes he is very loud, and makes loud noises. It is very embarrassing! One of the times pastor was in the hospital visiting us it started making tons of noise. Gurgle gurgle gurgle...so loud, and all I could do is sit there and feel my face flush bright red. Another thing about it is that I can feel every output. It's a very wierd feeling. The bag gets in the way alot, and I am constantly aware of it. Any time I am out I feel like thats all anyone sees. My husband assures me it isn't that noticeable, but I don't believe him. :) All these things are still very new to me and will take some getting used to. How very thankful I am that this is not a permanent fixture in my life. How thankful I am that I do not have Crohns!!


Alot of poeple are asking what I can and can"t eat right now. For the first 2 weeks after surgery I was limited on some foods. Not anymore! :) I am actually eating alot! I am trying to get a good amount of protien at each meal. One of my doctors main concerns is that my protien levels get back up. I was very malnourished and anemic going into surgery. Part of the recovery requirments is for me to get all those numbers back up to normal. The doctor won't think about doing the next surgery till that happens. Water is another very inportant thing right now. I have to make sure to get alot of fluids down me so I don't get dehydrated. The job of my colon was to take the liquid out of the waste. It isn't there to do its job anymore, so I have to compensate for it by drinking lots. My grandma is very good at keeping my glass full and encouraging me to drink more. I gained 4 poulds the first week after I got home, and started getting worried I was going to gain a ton of weight. :) Don't know why, but I lost those four pounds and am staying at a steady weight of what I was before. I am eating alot, and getting stronger so I'm not gonna worry about it. It's just a number on a scale, right!


Day after day is passing by, and one of the hardest things for me is being cooped up. I get really antsy at seeing the same four walls. I also have to bum a ride off of everyone since I can't hop in the car and do what I need to do. I have been able to get out some, and am very thankful for each time! My imune system is still down, and so getting out at all is always a risk. I cannot afford to catch any sickness going around. I took up cross stitching to help pass the time. It is very time consumong, but I am enjoying it.


This past week my mom went up to Pensylvania to visit Steph and the girls. Katie was with us for the week. It was fun to have her here with us! She was able to come with me to church for the first time since my surgery on Sunday morning. It was so good to be there! You really don't realize how much you miss going to church till you can't go for weeks on end! I am continually reminded at how good god is! I have had a song stuck in my head..... "God's so good to give us so many blessings underserving thats what we are...we are to thank Him love and praise Him a little more today, a whole lot more tomorrow." A little song, but full of great truth!


In just these past few days I have been working hard at stengthening my core muscles back up. I am doing good at making it around the house without any help at all. I can't wait to be free from the walker that has helped me so much. The only thing is that my back is taking a tole from not having help. My low back muscles are very sore! Once again, its just about taking it one day at a time. Each day is different. I have my bad days, and better days. All in all I am doing good. One of my small incisions on the right side lost its stitches today. It looks really good, and is healing smoothly! We have a wedding to go to this weekend, and then starting Sundady is our churchs' Missions Conference. In my next blog I will post some pics on how I am looking these days post surgery. Friday will be four weeks already! Time really does fly!


I think this blog update will finally catch me up. Thank-you everyone for all the prayers for David and I! Please don't stop!! :) We are truely grateful!!