Friday, February 26, 2010

Getting Antsie

A friend asked me this morning if I needed anything before my next surgery. I asked her if she had any patience I could have... :) a way I totally mean it! As this next surgery gets closer and closer I find myself getting more nervous and antsie everyday!! But then I still have one LONG week of waiting (and lots of work) to do before ... before I am helpless again an have a long stretch of recovery.

There are definately two side to these feeling. One being the fact that I just want all of this behind me! I will not post another blog update about leakages, but let me just say that they are part of my life right now, and something I have to face while I still have this ileostomy. So there are times when all I want is to just be done with all this, and fast!

The other side is what I am feeling more strongly as the days grow closer to surgery. That is the fact that I am submitting myself to what I now know will be the outcome of a major surgery. That outcoome is weakness, and helplessness, and pain...lots of pain, and new trials to face (eg. the ileostomy) with each step of this long process to recovery. 95% of the time my eyes are on the end...the strength and wellness of what I will be when this is all over and I am my new "normal" as a J-Poucher! Right now its on the present, and right now the present is scary to me!

So please, as you all did so faithfully last time. Pray for me. I need alot of it right now. And if any of you have any of that patience I was talking about earlier that I could have, please just send it on my way!! :)

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Time Flies

It has been 3 months now since I have updated my blog. Wow! Time flies right on by! I will be back updating for you all the progress and recovery of my next upcoming surgery. My total reconstructive surgery is scheduled for Monday, March the 8th. I am very ready and anxious to get it done and behind me. Dont get me wrong by thinking I am excited....I just am ready to take the next step painful though it might be. I am definaltely not looking forward to the recovery of another major opperation.

My grandmother is coming down again after the opperation to help me again. What a blessing! Her help is a God send to both David and I!

Will you all let me take a minute to gloat on my wonderful husband David? :) God knew just the right man for me! David is so even tempered, selfless, encouraging, so sweet and patient!!! He as been there every step of the way for me, and not just there, but continually going the extra mile to make sure that I have everything I could need. Throughout the years of my colitis I could not begin to explain the sweet patience he gave to me. And now with my ileostomy he tends so soft and patiently to me I sometimes am still in awe of how wonderful he is!!! I sure hope that one day I can repay to him every kind and tender love that he has so willingly given to me!!!

Imagine a stong and healthy 25 year old young woman, and that would be me! :) I havnt been able to say that about myself since I was a teenager in highschool! I honestly had forgotten what it was really like to feel "good". So many times that would be my reply to the everyday question "how are you?", but it was never the truth. I really can see now how sick I really was. Every single day for over 6 years I had gut wrenching pains over...and over...and over. I never slept through the night, and running to the bathroom in terrible pain seemed to just be my "normal". I am so excited that these past 3 months of my life I actually feel good! I have gained weight (maybe a little too much :) ) and been able to exercise and gain some muscle.

This next surgery, in my mind, is just another step to the new me! :) I am very thankful that I did not have Crohns, and that this ileostomy is just temporary. I can not imagine having to live with it! I dont know why, but I seem to have had alot of problems with mine, and am hoping that this next loop-end wont be worse (as I have heard it can be). I just went to see Dr. Graves on Monday, and he said that I only have to wait 3 months between these next surgeries. I am excited about that! I am hoping to schedule my let down surgery for the end of May.

David and I had a wonderful Thanksgiving and Christmas together!! My sister had her first baby boy on November 20th, and I was able to go to Pennsylvania in January to go meet my nephew Andrew Joseph. 

Thanks for everyones prayers for me! I truly appreciate every one of them!! Please don't forget about me through this next one! :) Will be talkin to you all more on here! Take Care!!