Seeing God's Hand

It has been so amazing to watch the Lord work and show His hand in the middle of these times. I have mentioned before about all of the donations and money that has been given to us recently. We just started putting everything into a savings account for when we needed it. I applied for and got turned down for personal insurance. We are now in the process of applying for insurance through a state run high risk pool of insurance. There is ALOT of papework and and things to get ready and send in. Along with it all we had to send in the premium for the first 3 months of the insurance payments. David got the total back that it would be, and it was the very exact ammount that was in the savings account!! It was a need the Lord knew we needed before we even needed it. David came to me and said, "Babe, I think I know why the Lord gave us that money...." We are both just in awe as we watch the Lord's hand in our lives right now. Maybe it wasn't the Lord's desire for me to be complete healed form this disease, but He has shown Himself faithful every step of the way!!

I am so blessed to have so many friends who care so much about me. I couldn't begin to write everything that everyone has done for me. I know of many different churches, and poeple all over the world who are praying for us. People who don't know David and I at all, and yet care so very much! I cherish every single one of your prayers!

I wanted to write and let everyone know in specific how you could pray for me tomorrow during surgery. Yesturday I had all my different pre-op appointments with the surgeon and at the hospital. My surgeon told me that this series of surgeries could be done in a 2-step process instead of the 3-step process which he anticipates I will overgo. He said that there is a chance that tomorrow during the surgery if everything is going just perfectly smooth, and if my anemia counts and malnourishment counts are at a desent level he might just go ahead and proceed on with the second surgery. He wouldn't make this decision until in the middle of surgery, and his decision would be based on how things are going. He told me not to get my hopes up, but that it was a possibility. Well, its too late... :) My hopes are up, and very high! :) I am hoping and praying that He could do the first 2 surgeries all at once. It would cut off another major surgery, and a good 3-4 months of recovery time. Please pray with us tomorrow that this will be the case. Pray that the Lords hand will be on me, and the surgeons. The surgeon also told us that in such a detailed surgery as this that the chances of some sort of complication is very high...50/50. There are so many things that could go wrong. Yes, I am VERY nervous, but I can tell that so many peolple are praying. I feel a peace going in to this, and I thank the Lord for it!!

God is so good to me! I have so much to be thankful for!

Very quickly I wanted to tell everyone reading that I will be posting some belly pictures from before and after my surgery. I have found so much help from different people who have gone through the same thing I am facing on a website called j-pouchlife.com. They have been kind enough to post a link to my blog on their website so that maybe my journey through this could be a help and encouragment to someone else facing this as well. Others on that website have been couragous enough to show "real" pictures from thier surgeries, and it helped me so much to prepare for this. If I can be of any help to others out there, that would make me very happy. Basically this is a warning to anyone who reads this that the next few blog updates will have some not so pretty pictures in them. Sorry if it affends anyone, but please think of it as strictly medical because that is what it is.

Thanks again to everyone for your prayers for me tomorrow!! Will update on Saturday if I am able.

Our Trip

Do you see the rays of sun shining through the clouds behind me? It was so beautiful, and just a picture to me of God's greatness!! David and I got out together one evening, and went down to the peir for a walk out on the water. The weather was so beautiful, and it was so nice to be together! I am so thankful to have such a patient husband! The peir is very long, a good 5 minute walk out to the end! The closest bathroom is at the front, and for me, thats a bit of a problem. Two times we started our walk, got about 1/4 of the way down and I stop and turn around and start running back to the bathroom. Finally after 3 tries, we made it the the end of the peir. Mmm, dreams of days like these to be over are so exciting to think about!! Things like taking a long walk, and camping, and bike riding....only to name a few are things that havn't even been an option for me to do for so long now. Anyways, I am very thankful for my husband and how supportive patient and wonderful he is to me! Our walk on the peir was fun!! :)

I love the water!! I have always loved swimming, and it was the one thing growing up that I was good at! :) When David and I ever get away, it seems to always be around water. We love it! Below, you can see us in the ocean (very small) but we are there. It is so pretty and fun and relaxing all at the same time! We both got a little too much sun though. We are peeling like crazy already!

This next picture is one of my favorites from the trip. Right before we left we got a quick shot outside the condos. Our trip was amazing, and we are so very thankful for it! I know in a couple weeks I will look at these, and only wish I could be playing in the ocean... :) I am looking further though, to the end product, and then I will look at these and think of how bad I really felt during this time.

I don't want to take away from any of the glory from our wonderful trip above. Just real quickly I want you to try and imagine with me. Imagine running in haste to the toilet at least 2-3 times every hour. Imagine every time you are running an incredible amount of pain swelling throughout your entire body. Imagine sitting on the toilet in so much pain it makes your head spin in circles, and you seeing black spots, and just wanting to vommit all over the floor in front of you if it could help take the incredible pain away. Image once more wiping, and seeing large blood clots, then looking into the toilet and just seeing red. Imagine this over and over happening to you all day long, and then all night long, and then all day long the next day.

This has been my experience.....the story of my life....as I sometimes say. Friday and Saturday were a couple very bad days for me. I lost a very large ammount of blood altogether, and by the end of it started feeling very week and lightheaded. Days like that only make me so very happy of the upcoming surgery on Friday! On Friday I went to Kohls to pick something up for my mom. I spent 30 minutes in the bathroom. I called her at one point, and just started crying, "Mom, I don't know what to do". My poor mother was at work and obviously couldn't do anything for me, she didn't really have much to say to me except that she thought that I have made the right choice! I think so too!!

Only 5 more days till this old diseased colon will be out of me, and Lord willing I will be on the road to recovery, and a much healthier life! We are celebrating my nephews 1st birthday tomorrow, and it makes me so very sad! Him and JoLynn would have only been a couple weeks apart, and so close of friends. My heart continually aches for her, and for the hope that one day we can have another baby to cherish. Why does it always seem that somehow I end up summing my entries up with feelings and dreams of JoLynn? I guess the answer would be because that is where my true hearts desire lies. I am tired of it being about me and my health...I am ready to be normal once again!

Anointing

Pound...pound...pound was all I could feel against my chest as my husband grabbed my hand and started leading my towards the stage. It is Sunday night right after the invitation at church. I look up at my pastor and his eyes are filled with tears and he is all choked up. Not one word was said as David and I took a seat on the platform with 5 men of God surrounding us. Pastor took a vile of oil and poured just a small amount on top of my head. Next thing I know Pastor Bob's hand laid on my head and he started praying...pleading with God to do a miracle in my body. Two separate missionaries took there turn praying over me and David. I stayed clenched to David's hand as hard as I could so as not to burst out weaping. A steady stream of tears flowed down my cheaks. Bro. Gear's turn to pray over me, and then lastly pastor. I could hear his heart just broke. He was begging with God to do a miracle in our lives. I felt so small, and so weak. I prayed too, just thanking God for being our strength and our hope.

It was over. My eyes were burning, and I couldn't stop crying. I walked off the stage fast and headed right to the bathroom. I thought that from crying my mascara was getting into my eyes. they were burning so bad. Come to find out that a small stream of the oil had made its way down my forehead and was running into my eye. With a litttle saline rinse, and some cold water that little drama past. :) A little funny to look back on.

I don't think that I can express into words the amazing feeling it was to be surrounded by the prayers of great men of God. I felt so unworthy, but yet they were praying for me! God is so good....and I am so blessed!! We continue to pray for a miracle in my body. We pray for a miracle in a job situation for David. We pray for a miracle for us to have another baby, maybe not right now, but someday. It is a hope and longing that will never decrease or go away. The Lord is good, and continues His blessings toward us! We are truely grateful!

The surgery is just a mere 2 weeks from today, and nerves are setting in. We get to get away for 3 nights together next week down in Padre. I am very excited, and am looking forward to a special time together. I think that husband needs this more than I do. He is so good to me when I am sick. Even though he wouldn't admit it, he gets very cooped up. Not having a job definately adds to this alot! So, some time with him and a fishing pole will do him worlds of good!! :) I love the water! The beach in the off season is so peaceful, and relaxing. Thats what I'm most looking forward too!

Each day that passes, and I spend time after time on the toilet in pain. Each night that I lay in bed so tired and yet not able to sleep, then when asleep wake up over and over stumbling to the bathroom. These weary days and nights make me very glad that I am doing the surgery now. I am very glad that I won't have to deal with this for the next 6 months and then decide to do surgery. I am so glad that these weary days and nights, where it seams like I can't get anything done without getting tired, are soon to be over! I Praise the Lord for His goodness and mercies to us!

Blessings....

My cup is full! This blog update is to give glory to my Lord, and give thanks and praise to the untold poeple who have given so much!
II Corinthians 4:16-17 "For the which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory."
I could write out promise after promise the Lord has given us. How needy we are of the Lords' promises each day! "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart...." We know the verse all too well. It isn't till you cling to these simple verses that we've known all our lives till you see the full meaning of them! "....lean not to thine own understanding." How hard this part is to actually do! Our minds are so small, and we understand so little. I think that is why the Lord put lean. :) I don't think we will ever come to the place where we understand the Lord's plan fully. "In all thy ways acknowledge him..." The key word here is "all". Wow, this is where we are at right now! In every aspect of our lives right now we have totally given over to the Lord, and put it in His hands to control. The next part is the promise He gives us. "...and he will direct your paths." Its scary at times, but knowing that the Lord is in control makes all the difference!
Ok, so I will stop with the Bible study, and get on with telling you all the amazing things that the Lord is doing for David and I :) My Uncle Hobie and Aunt Connie sent us a check in the mail the other day for $500! It was so unexpected and jaw dropping, I just started crying! I will tell you all quick that David is in the process of getting temporary personal insurance for me. The cost of this will be through the roof, but very much needed till he can secure down another job. Also, his unemployment runs out next month. We are putting all the funds that we get into a savings account for security on our house and the insurance. I want to explain this so you understand why I believe the Lord is providing in so many unreal ways! Someone told me the other day something that really made me think. They said, "Jessica, maybe the Lord knew David needed to be with you during this time, and He wants to provide for you in other ways" This really made me think, and be thank-ful for David being able to be with me! Ok, so I clean for 2 ladies. They are both sweethearts! Patty is one of them. She called me the other day and told me that her and Deatett (the other lady I clean for) both want to help me in some way. Patty works with Arbonne and wants to do a fundraiser for me to raise some money. Don't know alot about it, but I do know it had to do with selling a hand cream. She is talking all about it with my mom, and trying to get others to help. So Amazing! She also has another lady friend (who I don't know) who does some sort of community-help type meetings every month, and Patty was telling her about David and I and she wants to do her meeting this month about me. I was speechless, and didn't know what to say. These meetings also raise money for the person that they are trying to help! Amazing too, huh! My mom was talking to her boss about the fundraiser, and telling her about it. Her boss then mentions it to the owner of the largest complex they manage, and starts telling them about us. This owner, who doesn't know David or I at all, donated $500 to us right there on the spot! WOW!! Can you believe this! I know that this is just the begining of the Lord providing for David and I. Just today at church and unknown person gave Josh, my brother-in-law, a check for $800 to cover our morgadge for next month! The verse at the top is so true to us when it says that the inward man is renewed day by day! Praise the Lord for His goodness to us!! We are so unworthy! I thought it would be nice for you all who are praying so hard for David and I to know that the Lord is providing, and watching out for us! We are so very thankful!! Please don't stop praying for us, we love you all!

Its Time

So I had another appointment with the surgeon today. I had several more serious questions to ask him, and to also talk to him about my general state of health as of right now. With much thought from both David and I, and with a recommended go ahead from the surgeon we decided to schedule the surgery for sooner rather than later. We decided it is better to do it now because my health is already so low. I don't really want to see where I will be in 3-6 months with my health just going downhill. The surgeon says that the more sick you are going into surgery the more time in recovery it will be. From beginning to end of the 3 surgeries is going to be at the very minimum 9 months, but more likely a year. I am not getting any younger, and am just ready to be healthy again. It will never be like it was before, and I understand that, but what I know is that this will remove this terrible disease from my body. I will be able to get stronger, and have a much more normal life than what I am dealing with right now on a day to day basis. Then maybe, just maybe the Lord will give David and I what we have been praying for for so long now, another precious child of our own. One we can actually keep, and raise to grow up and serve the Lord.
So, here it is. I am scheduled for the first major surgery September 25th at 7:30 in the morning. It will be at St. David's on 35. I am a sea of mixed emotions and feelings. I am nervous and scared, but curious and excited at the new life ahead of me. Pray for me......Pray for David....he needs a job more than anything right now. Love you all!